“Hey, remember that one time we got lost trying to get to Central Park, and we somehow found ourselves in Coney Island? That was a good accident.”
“No. When did that happen?”
“Oh, right. That was Andy.”
They walked through the woods in silence. Crimson light was leaking through the trees, making it look like autumn in the middle of summer. The wind softly carried the chirps of the crickets as they sang. He got closer, reaching out to put his arm around her. She ducked as a branch got in her way.
“Are you sure we’re going the right way?” she said.
“Positive. I think,” he said. “That’s really reassuring.”
“Don’t worry so much. Remember that one time you thought we weren’t going to catch that Yankee’s game, and you were so anxious you made me weave in and out of traffic, getting us a speeding ticket, only to find out we were actually an hour early?”
“Again, no.” “What? How could you forget? We were on the kiss cam!”
“I hate baseball.”
“Oh, right. That was . . . Andy.”
“You kissed Andy?”
“Of course not!”
He coughed, letting the sound fill the air. He put his hands in his pockets and tried to whistle a song he heard the other day, but he couldn’t quite match the tune. He looked up. The sky above them was beginning to turn a deep orange. A stillness rose, the kind that feels like something is about to be said, something important, but nothing is. As they followed the beaten path, the wind grew stronger, causing the trees to crackle and shake. The girl shivered.
“Are you cold?” he said.
“Yes. But I’ll live,” she said.
“Sorry I didn’t bring a jacket. I didn’t think we’d be here for too long.”
“It’s ok.”
“Hey, remember–”
“Is this another memory you had with Andy?”
“What? No, no. What makes you say that?”
She stopped and closed her eyes, massaging her temple. “Look. I understand you like me. I like you too. But my liking you doesn’t mean I’ll fall for any lie you throw my way. Contrary to popular belief, love isn’t blind,” she turned her back to him. “But it isn’t stupid, either.” She walked a few steps forward, then looked back. “I think I see the way back. Don’t call me.” She stumbled down the path. Then she stopped, as if she forgot something, and turned. “I . . . no. Goodbye.”
He watched her walk away, unable to speak. He couldn’t see her anymore. His eyes glazed over, lost in thought. He remembered the goose bumps he felt on her arms as they sat on that hill, looking at the stars. Her smile, as he tried to point out the constellations that lined the sky. Even though he didn’t know a single one, she still pretended to look surprised, and they both laughed when he realized she knew where each one was exactly. She pointed out the Swan, and asked isn’t it beautiful? And he said yes, even though he couldn’t see it, but he could see her. He felt her shiver against him, so he gave her his jacket. He remembered the smile on her face as they kissed.
A frog croaked in the distance, bringing him back. He shivered. It was cold.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Saturday, September 5, 2009
A Dramatic Retelling of A Sitcom Tragedy
The sun hung lazily in the air as William walked out of school. He let out a sigh of content; it was finally the weekend. As he stepped past the gate, watching the rest of the students pile into their parents’ cars, or get on the bus back to their homes, William knew his mother would not be there to pick him up. It was Friday, and that meant a double shift at the post office. Nor could he take the bus, since he used up the last of his bus money to eat lunch that day. It seemed worth it, at the time. But that didn’t bother him, since it wasn’t home that he was planning to go to. For as long as he could remember, William always visited the same park just a few blocks away from the school. It was relatively close to home, and being born and raised in West Philadelphia, it was the only place he could go that was safe enough to keep his mother from worrying, and the only place he could go to blow off some steam playing the sport he loved: basketball.
The sounds of children’s laughter echoed through the trees, mingling with the distant and nearby honking of horns. As William walked past the children playing in the playground, he could hear the creaking of the swings and whispers as the little boys and girls played house, or doctor. Upon reaching the court, William saw his friends. He grinned and began to wave at them, but then he realized something was wrong. Surrounding his friends were a group of men, towering over them. Then it dawned on him. These guys were the ones recently terrorizing the locals, and from what he could see, they were definitely up to no good. William was scared. He couldn’t hope to fend off all of them, and his feet refused to move. The men laughed, keeping the ball away from the boys’ grasp. Suddenly, one of the men punched one of William’s friends in the back of the head as hard as he could. He collapsed and fell face down on the pavement amidst harsh laughter. William was stunned, then furious. Clenching his fists, he went up to them.
It wasn’t fair that people like this could do such horrible things to those who weren’t looking for trouble. All he wanted to do was play some basketball with his friends, and smile as the local children gathered to watch. But now that couldn’t happen, because of a group of thugs. He decided to change that, beginning with the basketball. Running up to the one holding the ball, a man with a dark brown shirt, William rammed into his back with all his strength. He heard a groan as he fell to the ground. He quickly got to his feet, looking for the ball. It had rolled from his grasp, and a large foot stomped down on it, stopping it in its tracks. A mean-looking man in a red shirt glared at him.
“Something wrong?” He asked with a sneer.
“Give it back,” William said, weakly.
“What?”
“Give it back!”
And with that, he lunged with all his might towards the looming figure before him. It was the last thing he remembered. Later that night, as he knocked on the door of his apartment, he smiled. Even though he was sore, even though his clothes were torn up, even though his wallet was missing, even though he sported a black eye that would make a panda bear jealous, and even though he wasn’t able to get the ball back, William was happy. Despite his fear, William stood his ground and fought for what he so strongly believed in, and he lived to tell the tale. Unfortunately, his mother didn’t share his thoughts. Horrified at the sight of his face, and fearing for his safety, she immediately sent him to live with his auntie and uncle in Bel Air.
The sounds of children’s laughter echoed through the trees, mingling with the distant and nearby honking of horns. As William walked past the children playing in the playground, he could hear the creaking of the swings and whispers as the little boys and girls played house, or doctor. Upon reaching the court, William saw his friends. He grinned and began to wave at them, but then he realized something was wrong. Surrounding his friends were a group of men, towering over them. Then it dawned on him. These guys were the ones recently terrorizing the locals, and from what he could see, they were definitely up to no good. William was scared. He couldn’t hope to fend off all of them, and his feet refused to move. The men laughed, keeping the ball away from the boys’ grasp. Suddenly, one of the men punched one of William’s friends in the back of the head as hard as he could. He collapsed and fell face down on the pavement amidst harsh laughter. William was stunned, then furious. Clenching his fists, he went up to them.
It wasn’t fair that people like this could do such horrible things to those who weren’t looking for trouble. All he wanted to do was play some basketball with his friends, and smile as the local children gathered to watch. But now that couldn’t happen, because of a group of thugs. He decided to change that, beginning with the basketball. Running up to the one holding the ball, a man with a dark brown shirt, William rammed into his back with all his strength. He heard a groan as he fell to the ground. He quickly got to his feet, looking for the ball. It had rolled from his grasp, and a large foot stomped down on it, stopping it in its tracks. A mean-looking man in a red shirt glared at him.
“Something wrong?” He asked with a sneer.
“Give it back,” William said, weakly.
“What?”
“Give it back!”
And with that, he lunged with all his might towards the looming figure before him. It was the last thing he remembered. Later that night, as he knocked on the door of his apartment, he smiled. Even though he was sore, even though his clothes were torn up, even though his wallet was missing, even though he sported a black eye that would make a panda bear jealous, and even though he wasn’t able to get the ball back, William was happy. Despite his fear, William stood his ground and fought for what he so strongly believed in, and he lived to tell the tale. Unfortunately, his mother didn’t share his thoughts. Horrified at the sight of his face, and fearing for his safety, she immediately sent him to live with his auntie and uncle in Bel Air.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Mate, mate mate
Read from the beginning!
So there I was, dying of thirst and lost in the desert. Luckily, since I had some kangaroo jerky with me from my previous encounter with my living hallucination, I was well stocked on food. Water, unfortunately, was another story. I trudged along the wasteland, dragging my feet as I wandered aimlessly. I passed a large smooth stone that looked somewhat familiar. Then I realized why.
"Circles? I've been walking in circles?" I looked up at the sun as I tried to figure out my location. I soon gave up, as I realized that only wilderness explorers know how to do that, and I had no idea what I was doing. I collapsed to my knees, and crawled over to the stone, leaning back on it. Stones are just awesome. You can lean back on them for support, but they can also stab you in the back. Or more accurately, they can heat up to a temperature of Hell degrees and burn your back like a cupcake in a pizza oven. Before I could even scream in pain, I was already on my feet. I angrily kicked the stone, rubbing my back. But then that also hurt, so I comically rubbed my back as I rubbed my foot. In this position, I saw two men approach.
I couldn't believe my eyes. In this dead land called the outback, I had actually found a couple of guys. I brushed up on my Australian and smiled as they approached.
"A dingo ate my bay-bay," I said with a smile, as it was the traditional greeting in Australian.
"Throw some shrimp on the bah-bee," one of the men replied with a smile.
"Where are you blokes headed?" I said, mustering as good an accent as I could. Australians can detect a foreigner, and when they do, they usually attack.
"Me and my mate here are headed to Gallipoli, mate," said my new mate.
"But mate, isn't that in Turkey, mate?" I asked.
"It sure is, mate. But that ain't stoppin' us, mate!" He let out a hearty laugh, and his mate joined.
"Haha, mate," I joined.
"Mate."
"Mate mate mate."
This went on for a few hours.
Then he pointed me in the direction of Sydney, which actually happened to be a few feet away. I was actually lost in a small wilderness park! In fact, he said even a small child could find his way out. Awesome.
So I went back to Sydney, and went home. I was gone for so long, that when I came back, the country was a post-apocalyptic ruin. So now I'm typing this from an abandoned home with bootlegged internet service. God Bless America.
THE END.
So there I was, dying of thirst and lost in the desert. Luckily, since I had some kangaroo jerky with me from my previous encounter with my living hallucination, I was well stocked on food. Water, unfortunately, was another story. I trudged along the wasteland, dragging my feet as I wandered aimlessly. I passed a large smooth stone that looked somewhat familiar. Then I realized why.
"Circles? I've been walking in circles?" I looked up at the sun as I tried to figure out my location. I soon gave up, as I realized that only wilderness explorers know how to do that, and I had no idea what I was doing. I collapsed to my knees, and crawled over to the stone, leaning back on it. Stones are just awesome. You can lean back on them for support, but they can also stab you in the back. Or more accurately, they can heat up to a temperature of Hell degrees and burn your back like a cupcake in a pizza oven. Before I could even scream in pain, I was already on my feet. I angrily kicked the stone, rubbing my back. But then that also hurt, so I comically rubbed my back as I rubbed my foot. In this position, I saw two men approach.
I couldn't believe my eyes. In this dead land called the outback, I had actually found a couple of guys. I brushed up on my Australian and smiled as they approached.
"A dingo ate my bay-bay," I said with a smile, as it was the traditional greeting in Australian.
"Throw some shrimp on the bah-bee," one of the men replied with a smile.
"Where are you blokes headed?" I said, mustering as good an accent as I could. Australians can detect a foreigner, and when they do, they usually attack.
"Me and my mate here are headed to Gallipoli, mate," said my new mate.
"But mate, isn't that in Turkey, mate?" I asked.
"It sure is, mate. But that ain't stoppin' us, mate!" He let out a hearty laugh, and his mate joined.
"Haha, mate," I joined.
"Mate."
"Mate mate mate."
This went on for a few hours.
Then he pointed me in the direction of Sydney, which actually happened to be a few feet away. I was actually lost in a small wilderness park! In fact, he said even a small child could find his way out. Awesome.
So I went back to Sydney, and went home. I was gone for so long, that when I came back, the country was a post-apocalyptic ruin. So now I'm typing this from an abandoned home with bootlegged internet service. God Bless America.
THE END.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
this is a story all about how
I have to put my true Australia tale on hold for a second, because I have a mind-blowing tale to tell. This just happened the other night. I was out with a few friends, just talking and hanging out, when I realized it was getting pretty late. So I told my friends I had to leave, and I proceeded to go to my car. As I said, it was late, and it didn't help that half the lights in my friend's neighborhood were out, so I fumbled for my keys and tried to open my door. I was starting to freak out, since it was pitch black and I could swear I saw someone coming. After what seemed like an eternity, I found my keys and quickly started my engine. I shifted into gear and pushed the gas. Unfortunately, I shifted into the wrong gear and ended up smashing my rear bumper into a nearby light pole. I freaked out, and quickly ran out to inspect the damage. The pole was fine. But my bumper was another story. It was messed up, and there was no way it was going to just buff off. I didn't know what else to do, so I decided to just go home.
When I got near, I had two choices. I could either keep my car parked in the garage, and stash it until I had some explaining to do, or park it in the driveway, which was the quieter choice. I decided to go with choice A, which was risky, but if it worked, it would at least give me time to think up a story. As the garage door creaked open, I saw the lights in the house blink on. My dad had woken up! I now had to decide whether to continue driving into the garage and hope he comes out the front door, missing my car, or to stay outside and hope he enters the garage and miss the damage to the bumper. I couldn't think, so when he opened the door to garage, my foot acted on its own and pressed down on the gas. I ended up driving into the back of the garage, crashing through some bikes and bringing down a few shelves onto the roof of the car. I was in shock, and I looked at my dad, expecting the beating of a lifetime. The funny thing is, he didn't get mad.
Instead, he did the mash.
(he did the mash) He did the monster mash,
(the monster mash) It was a graveyard smash,
(he did the mash) It caught on in a flash,
(he did the mash) He did the monster mash,
When I got near, I had two choices. I could either keep my car parked in the garage, and stash it until I had some explaining to do, or park it in the driveway, which was the quieter choice. I decided to go with choice A, which was risky, but if it worked, it would at least give me time to think up a story. As the garage door creaked open, I saw the lights in the house blink on. My dad had woken up! I now had to decide whether to continue driving into the garage and hope he comes out the front door, missing my car, or to stay outside and hope he enters the garage and miss the damage to the bumper. I couldn't think, so when he opened the door to garage, my foot acted on its own and pressed down on the gas. I ended up driving into the back of the garage, crashing through some bikes and bringing down a few shelves onto the roof of the car. I was in shock, and I looked at my dad, expecting the beating of a lifetime. The funny thing is, he didn't get mad.
Instead, he did the mash.
(he did the mash) He did the monster mash,
(the monster mash) It was a graveyard smash,
(he did the mash) It caught on in a flash,
(he did the mash) He did the monster mash,
(wa-oo) From my labratory in the castle East,
(wa-oo) To the master bedroom where the vampires feast,
(wa, wa-oo) To ghouls all came from their humble abodes,
(wa-oo) To get a jolt, from my electrobes.
(they did the mash) They did the monster mash,
(the monster mash) It was a graveyard smash,
(they did the mash) It caught on in a flash,
(they did the mash) They did the monster mash,
(wa-ooo) The zombies were having fun,
(anashoop wa-oo) The party had just begun,
(anashoop wa-oo) The guests included wolfman,
(anashoop wa-oo) Dracula and his son
(wa-ooo) The scene was rocking, oh we're digging the sounds,
(wa-oo) Eagor on chains backed by asbaying hounds,
(wa-oo) The coffin bangers were about to arrive,
(wa-oo) With their vocal group, the crypt kicker five
(they played the mash) They played the monster mash,
(the monster mash) It was a graveyard smash,
(they played the mash) It caught on in a flash,
(they played the mash) They played the monster mash
(wa-oo) Out from his coffin Drac's voice did ring,
(wa-oo) seems he was troubled by just one thing,
(wa, wa-oo) Open the lid, and shook his fist and said
(wa-oo) 'Whatever happened to my Transylvanian Twist?'
(its now the mash) Its now the monster mash,
(the monster mash) And its a graveyard smash,
(its now the mash) It's caught on in a flash,
(its now the mash) Its now the monster mash.
(wa-oo) Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band,
(wa-oo) And my monster mash is the hit of the land,
(wa, wa-oo) For you the living, this mash was meant too,
(wa-oo) When you get to my door, tell them Borris sent you.
(Then you can mash) Then you can monster mash,
(the monster mash) and do my graveyard smash,
(then you can mash) You'll catch on in a flash,
(then you can mash) Then you can monster mash.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Run, Run, Run!
My crazy and true Australian adventure that began here and continued here.
So I was stuck in a desert. My grand trip in Australia, and I was stuck in a desert. I wasn't even sure I was still in Australia, but I had no choice but to start walking and hope that I run into some form of civilization. Unfortunately, since I initially set out to spend the day at the beach, i dressed accordingly. This meant tackling the harsh desert wearing nothing but flip flops and swim trunks. If dehydration didn't kill me, the intense sunburn would at least make my life complete torture.
"OH GOD I'M GONNA DIE OUT HERE!" I yelled out to the expanse before me. It mockingly parroted my cry. What an ass.
I trudged along the sun parched land, the sun's heat waves bending my path ahead. All I could think of was how long I'd been walking, and how much I would give to have a gulp of water. I could see for miles all around me, which meant I was no closer to help than I was a few hours earlier. I wanted to collapse and take a breather, but the ground was baked, so laying down would only mean asking whatever scavenged in this hellhole to have me well done. I was close to giving up hope, when i saw a dark figure approach from a distance. I was shocked.
"Hey! HEEEEY!" I yelled as loud as I could, running as fast as possible to the approaching figure. "HELP! I'VE BEEN LOST FOR HOURS!"
The figure was silent as it came near, and all the while, it looked like it was moving up and down. I continued to yell, but it died down as soon as I realized who was approaching. A kangaroo!
"Are you kidding me?!" I yelled in frustration. "A kangaroo?" Well, at least I knew I was still in Australia.
"Not just any kangaroo, mate," the kangaroo said.
"You can talk," I said. I finally realized the lack of water had finally destroyed my sanity.
"Not just talk, mate. I can sing too!" And then the kangaroo broke into a rendition of "Rapper's Delight," which I could barely call singing, but who was I to argue with a hallucination? I stood there as he continued to rap, though I could tell he was trying way to hard to look "cool." I decided to end my hallucination by throwing a rock at it. I soon realized it wasn't a hallucination. But in retrospect, i couldn't think of a better way to have kangaroo in Australia. With renewed energy, I could take on the desert. But I still had no idea where to go next.
So I was stuck in a desert. My grand trip in Australia, and I was stuck in a desert. I wasn't even sure I was still in Australia, but I had no choice but to start walking and hope that I run into some form of civilization. Unfortunately, since I initially set out to spend the day at the beach, i dressed accordingly. This meant tackling the harsh desert wearing nothing but flip flops and swim trunks. If dehydration didn't kill me, the intense sunburn would at least make my life complete torture.
"OH GOD I'M GONNA DIE OUT HERE!" I yelled out to the expanse before me. It mockingly parroted my cry. What an ass.
I trudged along the sun parched land, the sun's heat waves bending my path ahead. All I could think of was how long I'd been walking, and how much I would give to have a gulp of water. I could see for miles all around me, which meant I was no closer to help than I was a few hours earlier. I wanted to collapse and take a breather, but the ground was baked, so laying down would only mean asking whatever scavenged in this hellhole to have me well done. I was close to giving up hope, when i saw a dark figure approach from a distance. I was shocked.
"Hey! HEEEEY!" I yelled as loud as I could, running as fast as possible to the approaching figure. "HELP! I'VE BEEN LOST FOR HOURS!"
The figure was silent as it came near, and all the while, it looked like it was moving up and down. I continued to yell, but it died down as soon as I realized who was approaching. A kangaroo!
"Are you kidding me?!" I yelled in frustration. "A kangaroo?" Well, at least I knew I was still in Australia.
"Not just any kangaroo, mate," the kangaroo said.
"You can talk," I said. I finally realized the lack of water had finally destroyed my sanity.
"Not just talk, mate. I can sing too!" And then the kangaroo broke into a rendition of "Rapper's Delight," which I could barely call singing, but who was I to argue with a hallucination? I stood there as he continued to rap, though I could tell he was trying way to hard to look "cool." I decided to end my hallucination by throwing a rock at it. I soon realized it wasn't a hallucination. But in retrospect, i couldn't think of a better way to have kangaroo in Australia. With renewed energy, I could take on the desert. But I still had no idea where to go next.
Friday, July 24, 2009
A letter to my hero, Will Smith
Dear Mr Smith,
Sorry for being so formal, but I've never written a fan letter to a celebrity before, and I know it sounds weird, but I'm actually kind of nervous! You're such a great actor and singer, and have been a real role model to me for a long time. I grew up watching you on TV and have since seen every single one of your movies, from Men in Black to Hancock. And it's because of you that I feel I have the power to do anything that I want with my life.
Not to bore you with a story or anything, but I used to get into trouble a lot. I was a serious problem child, and my mom didn't know what to do with me. My dad died when I was five, so I guess that means I didn't really have a solid male role model or anyone to whip me into shape. I bet he would have known what to do with me. Instead, I was running around school beating up kids, vandalizing street signs, shoplifting, the works. I thought I was on top of the world.
Then one day, when I was about thirteen, I was hanging out with my friends, just talking, hollering at girls that walked past, and (I'm ashamed to say) smoking weed. When a couple of guys, who were up to no good, started making trouble in my neighborhood; I got in one little fight and my mom got scared. She said, "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and, when it came near, the license plate said "FRESH" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say the discount was rare, but I thought, "Nah, forget it." Yo holmes, to Bel-Air!
I pulled up to the house about seven or eight, and I yelled to cabbie "Yo holmes, smell you later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air.
And if it wasn't for you, I would probably still be in West Philadelphia, where I was born and raised.
Thank you so much.
Sincerely,
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
i wasn't planning on sleeping tonight
here are some scaaaaaary stories:
The clownsitter calls the parents who were out of the house eating dinner and asks:
'Is it okay if I can cover up the kids? I don't like children...'
'What kids?' the confused owner of the clown statue asks.
'The kids in your bathroom. The children!'
'Get the clown statue out of the house right now!'
'Why, what's wrong?'
'We don't have kids...'
A babysitter calls a wedding reception and asks a nine year old asian girl if she can cover up the clown because he is staring at her rearview mirror.
The girl at the wedding answers "There is no such thing as a clown."
The babysitter then looks in the mirror and she is a skeleton.. and a clown.
Timmy Turner was walking down a street. He noticed that one of the houses had a red door. He knocked on that red door but nobody answered.
A few months later it was his birthday and when he opened his present it wasn't a PS3 or a new bike.
It was a sex offender.
The clownsitter calls the parents who were out of the house eating dinner and asks:
'Is it okay if I can cover up the kids? I don't like children...'
'What kids?' the confused owner of the clown statue asks.
'The kids in your bathroom. The children!'
'Get the clown statue out of the house right now!'
'Why, what's wrong?'
'We don't have kids...'
A babysitter calls a wedding reception and asks a nine year old asian girl if she can cover up the clown because he is staring at her rearview mirror.
The girl at the wedding answers "There is no such thing as a clown."
The babysitter then looks in the mirror and she is a skeleton.. and a clown.
Timmy Turner was walking down a street. He noticed that one of the houses had a red door. He knocked on that red door but nobody answered.
A few months later it was his birthday and when he opened his present it wasn't a PS3 or a new bike.
It was a sex offender.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Beyond le mer
My crazy and also true Australia aventure, continued from here
So there I was, drifting along, not sure of what to do. I was worried I might not make it through this crazy adventure. In the distance, I could barely make out Sydney, but I was weakened from swimming for so long. I decided to float along and rest. My ears were below the surface as I floated, and suddenly I heard a voice!
"We're almost there! Just a little further!"
I started up, surprised. "Hello!" I cried out. "Can anyone see me?"
I looked around, frantically, trying to figure out where the voice was coming from, when I heard another.
"Just keep swimming and we'll get there. Sydney can't be that far away!"
Suddenly, a wave pushed me below the water. I panicked for a second, not fully aware which way was up. And that's when I saw it. Two fish were swimming by. Luckily, I knew exactly what they were. One was a Paracanthurus hepatus, while the other was a Amphiprion percula. Both were swimming quickly when I suddenly heard the A. percula talk.
"Just a little further and we'll be there!"
"A talking fish?" I thought to myself, because talking underwater is impossible. "I think they're going towards Sydney!"
I swam after them, just barely keeping up, when suddenly, this huge hulking figure appeared before us. A whale! Before I could do anything, it suddenly sucked up the P. hepatus and A. percula whole. I didn't know what to do, so I grabbed onto the fin as tightly as I could. The whale swam at incredible speed, too much for me to handle. After half an hour of grabbing on for dear life (because I can hold my breath for a really, really long time) my grip loosened and I was thrown off into the abyss. I blacked out for what seemed like hours, but when I came to, I found myself on a beach. It didn't look very familiar, so after resting a few hours, I decided to explore. It didn't take long for me to realize I was surrounded by desert.
So there I was, drifting along, not sure of what to do. I was worried I might not make it through this crazy adventure. In the distance, I could barely make out Sydney, but I was weakened from swimming for so long. I decided to float along and rest. My ears were below the surface as I floated, and suddenly I heard a voice!
"We're almost there! Just a little further!"
I started up, surprised. "Hello!" I cried out. "Can anyone see me?"
I looked around, frantically, trying to figure out where the voice was coming from, when I heard another.
"Just keep swimming and we'll get there. Sydney can't be that far away!"
Suddenly, a wave pushed me below the water. I panicked for a second, not fully aware which way was up. And that's when I saw it. Two fish were swimming by. Luckily, I knew exactly what they were. One was a Paracanthurus hepatus, while the other was a Amphiprion percula. Both were swimming quickly when I suddenly heard the A. percula talk.
"Just a little further and we'll be there!"
"A talking fish?" I thought to myself, because talking underwater is impossible. "I think they're going towards Sydney!"
I swam after them, just barely keeping up, when suddenly, this huge hulking figure appeared before us. A whale! Before I could do anything, it suddenly sucked up the P. hepatus and A. percula whole. I didn't know what to do, so I grabbed onto the fin as tightly as I could. The whale swam at incredible speed, too much for me to handle. After half an hour of grabbing on for dear life (because I can hold my breath for a really, really long time) my grip loosened and I was thrown off into the abyss. I blacked out for what seemed like hours, but when I came to, I found myself on a beach. It didn't look very familiar, so after resting a few hours, I decided to explore. It didn't take long for me to realize I was surrounded by desert.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
like, does he have a car?
Australia was awesome! So now I'm going to tell you a story, a story about a beautiful place called Australia, and the amazing things that happened to me there.
As soon as I reached Australia, I of course decided to hit the beach. I was surprised, then, to see a young girl crying deeply, as the calm waves lapped across the shore. What else could I do but see what I can do?
"What's wrong?" I asked, pensively. I wasn't sure if I was intruding. The girl jolted up and looked at me, having not noticed me before. She seemed unsure of what to say, since I was a complete stranger. She opened her mouth, but all that came out was a sob.
"He's gone!" she wailed.
"Gone? Who?" I asked. I wasn't sure how far I could get before overstepping my bounds.
"Danny!" she cried. "It happened so fast..."
"Tell me more, err..."
"Sandy," she said, managing a smile. "Nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you, Sandy. Now what's wrong?"
"Well, I met a boy, cute as can be. He ran by me, getting my suit damp. He started to show off, splashing around."
"That's so nice!" I said. "Does he have, like, a car? Was it love at first sight? Did you get very far?" The last question was a little much, and she shot me a look.
"We went strolling, drank lemonade, and we stayed out until ten o'clock!"
"Wow! That's pretty late, if you're a little kid," I said. She glared again.
"Anyway, I had to leave the States and come back here, so we traded out true love vow, and I haven't seen him since."
"What a nice, but sad, story," I said. "At least you'll have that fond memory, right?"
Sandy smiled. "But here's the upside! I'll be transferring to an American high school in the fall! Maybe I'll see him again!"
I snorted. "Uh, yeah, Sandy, sure. I'm sure you'll miraculously find him again, realize he's a jerk, but cause him to turn around because he really loves you, culminating in a death race which he of course wins. I'm sure that's all going to happen."
Suddenly, Sandy's face darkened. "Are you making fun of me? Because I hate it when people make fun of me." She got up, menacingly. I stepped back, a little scared. She let out a scream and rushed towards me. I ran as fast as I could, the only thing in front of me the vast ocean. I had no choice but to start swimming. Her screams faded away, and when I finally turned around, I realized the current brought me far from the shore. I was lost at sea!
As soon as I reached Australia, I of course decided to hit the beach. I was surprised, then, to see a young girl crying deeply, as the calm waves lapped across the shore. What else could I do but see what I can do?
"What's wrong?" I asked, pensively. I wasn't sure if I was intruding. The girl jolted up and looked at me, having not noticed me before. She seemed unsure of what to say, since I was a complete stranger. She opened her mouth, but all that came out was a sob.
"He's gone!" she wailed.
"Gone? Who?" I asked. I wasn't sure how far I could get before overstepping my bounds.
"Danny!" she cried. "It happened so fast..."
"Tell me more, err..."
"Sandy," she said, managing a smile. "Nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you, Sandy. Now what's wrong?"
"Well, I met a boy, cute as can be. He ran by me, getting my suit damp. He started to show off, splashing around."
"That's so nice!" I said. "Does he have, like, a car? Was it love at first sight? Did you get very far?" The last question was a little much, and she shot me a look.
"We went strolling, drank lemonade, and we stayed out until ten o'clock!"
"Wow! That's pretty late, if you're a little kid," I said. She glared again.
"Anyway, I had to leave the States and come back here, so we traded out true love vow, and I haven't seen him since."
"What a nice, but sad, story," I said. "At least you'll have that fond memory, right?"
Sandy smiled. "But here's the upside! I'll be transferring to an American high school in the fall! Maybe I'll see him again!"
I snorted. "Uh, yeah, Sandy, sure. I'm sure you'll miraculously find him again, realize he's a jerk, but cause him to turn around because he really loves you, culminating in a death race which he of course wins. I'm sure that's all going to happen."
Suddenly, Sandy's face darkened. "Are you making fun of me? Because I hate it when people make fun of me." She got up, menacingly. I stepped back, a little scared. She let out a scream and rushed towards me. I ran as fast as I could, the only thing in front of me the vast ocean. I had no choice but to start swimming. Her screams faded away, and when I finally turned around, I realized the current brought me far from the shore. I was lost at sea!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
ah-buhhh?
Today was supposed to be a normal day.
The cool blast of air felt nice on my face after the long walk which I had been subjected to after the bus broke down on this, the hottest day of the summer. As soon as I got past the multiple locks that kept my things away from everyone else, I went straight to the fridge and opened the freezer, where I received said blast. I stood there for a few minutes, letting the sweat on my face turn cold. Finally, I opened my eyes, wondering what frozen treat I could eat while waiting for the sun to set. Not really in the mood for a tropical fruit sensation, I settled for Rocky Road. I grabbed a cup from the cabinet, a spoon from the drawer, and took a few spoonfuls. Satisfied with the amount, I put the ice cream back and closed the freezer door. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, the kind where you don't want to do anything but take a long, glorious nap. Wiping the leftover sweat from my face, i went into my room and opened the windows, letting in what little cool air there was outside. Better to have some circulation than stuffy air, anyway. Looking outside, I could see the harbor, and the bridge. Gulls were floating in the air, their cries audible even from where I stood. The faint whistle of a train could be heard, as it slowed into the station. As my gaze wandered about the ocean shined light too bright in my eyes, so I shielded them and closed the blinds. I looked to my room. It was a mess, but it couldn't be helped. I had much work to do, and cleanliness was not my priority. At least, not at the moment. I pondered on whether I should clean a little before getting on with doing absolutely nothing, but my ice cream was melting, so I rescheduled my cleanup to an indeterminate hour. I took a few spoonfuls from my cup and set it on the table, the ice cream already turning into soup. Dropping into my chair, I switched on my laptop and waited for the system to start up. In the meantime, I had a little more of my soupy ice cream while reading a few pages from a nearby book that was lying around. Some lady was refusing a hot water bottle from her mother when the computer finally beeped to life. Setting the book down and finishing the last of my ice cream (well, drinking it, really) I wandered around the internet while listening to some music. Guitar chords clanged while an accordion began a little tune. I listened for a while, before deciding to skip to the next tune, which was even less appealing. I switched off the music player, staring at the screen in silence.
After a few hours of mindless surfing, I blinked my tired eyes. I peered through the window blinds and looked out into the amber horizon. The sun was finally beginning to set, taking the heat away with it. I breathed a sigh of relief, and got up. Taking my empty glass and the book lying next to it, I walked to the kitchen and deposited the glass in the sink. Grabbing my shoes, I stepped out into the amber light. It was still a bit warm out, but the sea air had already begun its work of cooling everything down. I thought about getting a sweater, but I decided against it. Besides, I wasn't going to be out long, just enough to get fresh air in my lungs. I began by walking towards the large group of buildings near my apartment. They were responsible for research, or something like that. I wasn't too sure, but then again, I didn't really care. The outside seemed harmless enough, so I had no problems with it. Passing the buildings, I walked past a line of trees, weaving around them as I passed by. I tossed my book in the air several times, until i finally dropped it. Not wanting to repeat the incident, I picked it up and moved along. Finally, I reached a large overpass. Walking through it, I looked up, admiring the impossible graffiti. Reaching some stairs, I climbed them and ended up on a pedestrian bridge connected to the side of the overpass. I took a seat, looking down at the train tracks below. I opened my book and began to read. As I was getting to the part where the heroine was not romantically inclined, I heard a soft mewing behind me. I turned to see a small black kitten looking up at me, expectantly.
"Sorry, kitty. I don't have any food." I said. I let out a little laugh and added, "You must be in some big trouble, huh?"
The kitten looked at me pensively. "Perhaps, but not nearly as much trouble as you'll be in."
The cool blast of air felt nice on my face after the long walk which I had been subjected to after the bus broke down on this, the hottest day of the summer. As soon as I got past the multiple locks that kept my things away from everyone else, I went straight to the fridge and opened the freezer, where I received said blast. I stood there for a few minutes, letting the sweat on my face turn cold. Finally, I opened my eyes, wondering what frozen treat I could eat while waiting for the sun to set. Not really in the mood for a tropical fruit sensation, I settled for Rocky Road. I grabbed a cup from the cabinet, a spoon from the drawer, and took a few spoonfuls. Satisfied with the amount, I put the ice cream back and closed the freezer door. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, the kind where you don't want to do anything but take a long, glorious nap. Wiping the leftover sweat from my face, i went into my room and opened the windows, letting in what little cool air there was outside. Better to have some circulation than stuffy air, anyway. Looking outside, I could see the harbor, and the bridge. Gulls were floating in the air, their cries audible even from where I stood. The faint whistle of a train could be heard, as it slowed into the station. As my gaze wandered about the ocean shined light too bright in my eyes, so I shielded them and closed the blinds. I looked to my room. It was a mess, but it couldn't be helped. I had much work to do, and cleanliness was not my priority. At least, not at the moment. I pondered on whether I should clean a little before getting on with doing absolutely nothing, but my ice cream was melting, so I rescheduled my cleanup to an indeterminate hour. I took a few spoonfuls from my cup and set it on the table, the ice cream already turning into soup. Dropping into my chair, I switched on my laptop and waited for the system to start up. In the meantime, I had a little more of my soupy ice cream while reading a few pages from a nearby book that was lying around. Some lady was refusing a hot water bottle from her mother when the computer finally beeped to life. Setting the book down and finishing the last of my ice cream (well, drinking it, really) I wandered around the internet while listening to some music. Guitar chords clanged while an accordion began a little tune. I listened for a while, before deciding to skip to the next tune, which was even less appealing. I switched off the music player, staring at the screen in silence.
After a few hours of mindless surfing, I blinked my tired eyes. I peered through the window blinds and looked out into the amber horizon. The sun was finally beginning to set, taking the heat away with it. I breathed a sigh of relief, and got up. Taking my empty glass and the book lying next to it, I walked to the kitchen and deposited the glass in the sink. Grabbing my shoes, I stepped out into the amber light. It was still a bit warm out, but the sea air had already begun its work of cooling everything down. I thought about getting a sweater, but I decided against it. Besides, I wasn't going to be out long, just enough to get fresh air in my lungs. I began by walking towards the large group of buildings near my apartment. They were responsible for research, or something like that. I wasn't too sure, but then again, I didn't really care. The outside seemed harmless enough, so I had no problems with it. Passing the buildings, I walked past a line of trees, weaving around them as I passed by. I tossed my book in the air several times, until i finally dropped it. Not wanting to repeat the incident, I picked it up and moved along. Finally, I reached a large overpass. Walking through it, I looked up, admiring the impossible graffiti. Reaching some stairs, I climbed them and ended up on a pedestrian bridge connected to the side of the overpass. I took a seat, looking down at the train tracks below. I opened my book and began to read. As I was getting to the part where the heroine was not romantically inclined, I heard a soft mewing behind me. I turned to see a small black kitten looking up at me, expectantly.
"Sorry, kitty. I don't have any food." I said. I let out a little laugh and added, "You must be in some big trouble, huh?"
The kitten looked at me pensively. "Perhaps, but not nearly as much trouble as you'll be in."
Thursday, May 14, 2009
what i don't even
i just have to drop this here. no fanfiction will ever top the amazingness of this one. oh, and this is from DOOM, that really, really old game.
"Repercussions of Evil"
John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.
all i have to say is whaaaaat. or, as bender would have said: "i saw it coming"
EDIT: Repercussions of Evil - The Movie!
"Repercussions of Evil"
John Stalvern waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in the base. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to Cernel Joson were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
John was a space marine for fourteen years. When he was young he watched the spaceships and he said to dad "I want to be on the ships daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY DEMONS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the space station base of the UAC he knew there were demons.
"This is Joson" the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!"
So John gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the demons
"I will shoot at him" said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. John plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the demons" he shouted
The radio said "No, John. You are the demons"
And then John was a zombie.
all i have to say is whaaaaat. or, as bender would have said: "i saw it coming"
EDIT: Repercussions of Evil - The Movie!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
My eyes feel red
have you ever been up so late you can feel your eyes being red? as if every vein on the sides of your eyes has bulged up, so that the press against the sides of your sockets. so you close your eyes for a bit and massage them. but that only kinda gets rid of it. like, you can feel it, but it's much more faint. the annoying kind of faint. but at least it goes away. well, until it comes back again and you do the same thing all over. sometimes i rub my eyes until they tear up, and that usually does the trick. like eyedrops, except not nearly as effective. Where am i going with this? i have no idea.
Finals are nigh, and that means summer break nears. it's times like these we get introspective, look at how we did this semester, or even this year. for us older folks, we look farther back. What did we do all these years? Was it worth it? now where am i going with this? i also have no idea.
question: have you ever had to pee so bad you can feel it in your teeth? it's a strange sort of ticklish pressure pushing against your roots. sometimes i like that feeling. makes the act way more relieving. like you had to go so bad your whole body was telling you, as if your bladder wasn't an adequate messenger. again, no idea where this is going.
what a strange assortment of thoughts. maybe because i'm fairly sleepy, but not so sleepy that i don't want to stay up. I cut myself accidentally on a knife with a serrated edge on sunday. the cut's finally starting to close up, which is great, because my brain suddenly realized having a bandaid for this long is annoying. before today i barely noticed it. now it feels like i've been wearing it for too long.
alright, i think that's everything
Finals are nigh, and that means summer break nears. it's times like these we get introspective, look at how we did this semester, or even this year. for us older folks, we look farther back. What did we do all these years? Was it worth it? now where am i going with this? i also have no idea.
question: have you ever had to pee so bad you can feel it in your teeth? it's a strange sort of ticklish pressure pushing against your roots. sometimes i like that feeling. makes the act way more relieving. like you had to go so bad your whole body was telling you, as if your bladder wasn't an adequate messenger. again, no idea where this is going.
what a strange assortment of thoughts. maybe because i'm fairly sleepy, but not so sleepy that i don't want to stay up. I cut myself accidentally on a knife with a serrated edge on sunday. the cut's finally starting to close up, which is great, because my brain suddenly realized having a bandaid for this long is annoying. before today i barely noticed it. now it feels like i've been wearing it for too long.
alright, i think that's everything
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
the heartbreaking finale
The final part of a three part story!
part one here
part two here
From high above in his tower, the Beloved Leader looked down at his creation. After all, he controlled the lives of all he saw before him, so it might as well be that everything within the safety of this dome was his creation, his possession. This Raymond Finch, however, was a problem.
"Where did he come from?" he muttered to himself. He adjusted his glasses and looked on at the angry crowd that surrounded Raymond. This outsider, this anomaly, this stranger came from nowhere. The Beloved Leader didn't understand it. "That," he said aloud to himself, "I don't remember writing."
He sighed. "Time to do some damage control."
part one here
part two here
From high above in his tower, the Beloved Leader looked down at his creation. After all, he controlled the lives of all he saw before him, so it might as well be that everything within the safety of this dome was his creation, his possession. This Raymond Finch, however, was a problem.
"Where did he come from?" he muttered to himself. He adjusted his glasses and looked on at the angry crowd that surrounded Raymond. This outsider, this anomaly, this stranger came from nowhere. The Beloved Leader didn't understand it. "That," he said aloud to himself, "I don't remember writing."
He sighed. "Time to do some damage control."
*********************
Raymond was still gasping for breath when the man in the striped suit stood before the crowd. "This man is an outsider! he has brought the threat of infection from the outside!"
"I'm telling you," Raymond let out, heaving. "There is no infection."
"And he lies!" the man in the striped suit yelled. "The Beloved Leader was right! No one from the outside should ever be trusted." Yells of agreement rang through the crowd. Raymond started to panic. Oh God, he thought. How will I get them to believe me?
"I'm not lying!" he yelled with all his strength. "The world outside is not a wasteland!" A rock flew from the crowd and hit Raymond on the temple. A stream of blood ran down his face.
"Lies!" a man in the crowd yelled. "Our young men never survive living in the outside for long!"
"Th- that's. . ." Raymond started, but his voice grew weak. He was being pelted with stones by the small children that pushed their way through the crowd to get a better look at the outsider. Every time a rock hit him, shrieks of laughter could be heard. "I got him!" a little boy yelled triumphantly.
The man in the striped suit suddenly held his had to his ear, as if he was listening to a walkie-talkie. "Silence!" his voice rang. The crowd hushed. "The Beloved Leader has spoken! His will is absolute." he turned to Raymond. "Outsider," he began. "It disgusts me to do so, but we are to present you to our Beloved Leader. He will deal with the damage caused by exposing us to your infection."
"I'm telling you. . ." Raymond began, but a swift punch in the jaw from the man in the striped suit stopped this.
"We are to bring you to our Beloved Leader, but he didn't tell us to keep you uninjured." A cruel smile crept across the man in the striped suit's face. he looked at the two men holding Raymond and nodded. Slowly, the crowd closed in on him.
Raymond was still gasping for breath when the man in the striped suit stood before the crowd. "This man is an outsider! he has brought the threat of infection from the outside!"
"I'm telling you," Raymond let out, heaving. "There is no infection."
"And he lies!" the man in the striped suit yelled. "The Beloved Leader was right! No one from the outside should ever be trusted." Yells of agreement rang through the crowd. Raymond started to panic. Oh God, he thought. How will I get them to believe me?
"I'm not lying!" he yelled with all his strength. "The world outside is not a wasteland!" A rock flew from the crowd and hit Raymond on the temple. A stream of blood ran down his face.
"Lies!" a man in the crowd yelled. "Our young men never survive living in the outside for long!"
"Th- that's. . ." Raymond started, but his voice grew weak. He was being pelted with stones by the small children that pushed their way through the crowd to get a better look at the outsider. Every time a rock hit him, shrieks of laughter could be heard. "I got him!" a little boy yelled triumphantly.
The man in the striped suit suddenly held his had to his ear, as if he was listening to a walkie-talkie. "Silence!" his voice rang. The crowd hushed. "The Beloved Leader has spoken! His will is absolute." he turned to Raymond. "Outsider," he began. "It disgusts me to do so, but we are to present you to our Beloved Leader. He will deal with the damage caused by exposing us to your infection."
"I'm telling you. . ." Raymond began, but a swift punch in the jaw from the man in the striped suit stopped this.
"We are to bring you to our Beloved Leader, but he didn't tell us to keep you uninjured." A cruel smile crept across the man in the striped suit's face. he looked at the two men holding Raymond and nodded. Slowly, the crowd closed in on him.
***************
Raymond found himself in a cell. the walls were smooth on every side, with no indication of any sort of door, or way out. Raymond could only feel this, because his eyes were bruised shut. He felt to see if anything was broken. Touching his chest, he cried out in pain. He couldn't be sure if his ribs were broken, but they did feel that way.
"Hello?" Raymond managed to call out. His voice sounded strange, distorted. He still felt a little dizzy.
Hearing nothing, Raymond limped to a corner and slumped down. Soon, he was fast asleep.
Raymond found himself in a cell. the walls were smooth on every side, with no indication of any sort of door, or way out. Raymond could only feel this, because his eyes were bruised shut. He felt to see if anything was broken. Touching his chest, he cried out in pain. He couldn't be sure if his ribs were broken, but they did feel that way.
"Hello?" Raymond managed to call out. His voice sounded strange, distorted. He still felt a little dizzy.
Hearing nothing, Raymond limped to a corner and slumped down. Soon, he was fast asleep.
****************
Out in the town, Charles was out of breath. The stunt Raymond pulled nearly had him killed. Hopefully no one saw him accompanying Raymond. That would have been the same as suicide. As casually as he could, he walked into the nearest bar. By now, the townspeople had begun going back to their regular routine, the festival spoiled by the sudden turn of events.
"Afternoon, Charles," The bartender said as Charles walked in. "You don't look very well. I hope the outsider didn't infect you."
"No, no," said Charles, nervously. "I'm just a little thirsty. I'll be having my usual."
The bartender nodded and reached for a glass. As he was filling it, he started to speak.
"I heard an interesting rumor," he began. The spigot was filling the glass slowly.
"Oh yeah?" Charles said, clearing his throat. "What about?"
"About the outsider."
Charles gulped. "Yeah, I hear he was brought the the Beloved Leader. That seems out of the ordinary."
"Yeah, it is strange." The bartender placed the glass in front of him, a resounding clunk filled the bar.
Charles slowly drank, letting the cool liquid soothe his throat. His nerves calmed a bit and he let out a relieved sigh.
"There's something else." the bartender said. Charles froze. "Rumor has it that the outsider couldn't have made it into our refuge alone. Something about getting some outside help."
"W-well, I wouldn't have any idea about that, now," Charles began. "But how true do you think this rumor is?"
"Oh, well, I think it has its points. After all, how could he have stayed hidden until now?"
"Well, he was from the outside, after all. They specialize in deception."
"Very true," the bartender nodded. "Well, shall i chalk this drink on your tab?"
"That won't be necessary, I have some money here." As Charles reached for his wallet, something hit him hard in the back of the head. Everything went black.
"Afternoon, Charles," The bartender said as Charles walked in. "You don't look very well. I hope the outsider didn't infect you."
"No, no," said Charles, nervously. "I'm just a little thirsty. I'll be having my usual."
The bartender nodded and reached for a glass. As he was filling it, he started to speak.
"I heard an interesting rumor," he began. The spigot was filling the glass slowly.
"Oh yeah?" Charles said, clearing his throat. "What about?"
"About the outsider."
Charles gulped. "Yeah, I hear he was brought the the Beloved Leader. That seems out of the ordinary."
"Yeah, it is strange." The bartender placed the glass in front of him, a resounding clunk filled the bar.
Charles slowly drank, letting the cool liquid soothe his throat. His nerves calmed a bit and he let out a relieved sigh.
"There's something else." the bartender said. Charles froze. "Rumor has it that the outsider couldn't have made it into our refuge alone. Something about getting some outside help."
"W-well, I wouldn't have any idea about that, now," Charles began. "But how true do you think this rumor is?"
"Oh, well, I think it has its points. After all, how could he have stayed hidden until now?"
"Well, he was from the outside, after all. They specialize in deception."
"Very true," the bartender nodded. "Well, shall i chalk this drink on your tab?"
"That won't be necessary, I have some money here." As Charles reached for his wallet, something hit him hard in the back of the head. Everything went black.
****************
Raymond awoke with a start. The swelling in his eyes had gone down, so he could just barely. His chest, however, how radiated pain. Wincing, he used the corner to support himself up. Slowly, he looked around. Sure enough, as he had guessed, he was in a small room with four smooth white walls and a smooth white floor. Looking up, he noticed the white ceiling went fairly high above his head. No doors or any openings were visible. The whiteness of everything was so radiant, it seemed like everything was glowing. Suddenly, the wall in front of him went black.
At first, Raymond saw nothing, but as he focused on the darkness, something slowly came into view. Raymond couldn't tell what it was, but then he realized it was a large crowd. Raymond thought they were looking at him, a curious group looking at the monstrosity from the outside. However, Raymond soon realized that their backs were turned to him. They were gathered around something he couldn't quite make out. It looked like a post, in the middle of a large pile of something. Then he froze. Tied to the post was Charles, badly injured. Surrounding him was a large pile of wood.
"Hello, Raymond," a soft female voice called to him. Raymond looked around, but couldn't determine the source of the voice. "You caused quite a scare for my townspeople. I can't let that slide so easily."
"Who. . ." Raymond began, but he felt as if he already knew the answer. He was talking to the Beloved Leader. "Why is Charlie. . ."
"Tied up?" the voice interrupted. She laughed. "Or do you want to ask why he's about to die?"
"Die??" Raymond summoned the last of his strength and called out to the voice. "Why is he going to die??"
"What a silly question. Because he helped you, of course." And as if remotely signaled, a man with a torch slowly approached the wood pile. Charles slowly came to, and understanding the situation, began to scream. However, his voice made no sound.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I must've blocked the entry of sound into the room. Let me fix that." Suddenly, Charles' scream of horror echoed through the room, amplifying, intensifying. The fire slowly crept up to his feet.
"Stop this!" Raymond yelled. "He did nothing wrong!"
"No, he did something wrong. He messed everything up." The flames had now reached to his midsection. A mixture of pain and horror contorted his face, now beyond voicing his agony.
"Not to worry," the voice said. "I ensured he would have to wait quite a while to die. You see, I had him soaked in water, so that the flames would take longer to engulf him."
"Stop!" Raymond yelled. "Don't let him suffer like this! Isn't he someone under your care?"
The voice laughed melodically. "Don't be a fool. Why should I care if I lose one plaything?"
Raymond ran to the screen, his ankle shooting waves of pain through his leg. Pounding on it, he yelled, "Stop this right now! I'll do whatever you want!"
"Oh?" the voice said. The screen in front of him turned white again, but Charles' voice still echoed through the room. Then enter. A small hole appeared, which slowly grew into a elliptical door. Charles' screams slowly faded away. Raymond sighed a breath of relief. He walked though the door and into the darkness.
Raymond squinted his eyes and tried to make something out in the inky blackness, but he couldn't see a thing.
"Welcome to my inner study," a voice said, this time belonging to a man. "I apologize for deceiving you with my voice. Sometimes i just like to mix things up a bit, throw people for a loop. Raymond said nothing, still shocked by Charles' torture. Suddenly, a single light came on several feet ahead, illuminating a desk. A man was sitting behind it, shadows obscuring his face. All Raymond could make out was the glint of his glasses.
"Is Charlie okay?" Raymond asked.
The man shrugged. "Actually, he's already dead."
Raymond was at a loss for words.
"What you saw actually happened hours ago. He's just ash and bone now, I'm afraid. It took awhile, too. All that screaming got old, fast."
Raymond clenched his fists. "How-" but he couldn't finish his sentence. He was at a loss for words, his anger flaring.
"How could I, you ask? Because I can." The man stood up and walked over to Raymond. He could finally see his face for the first time. He was brown-skinned, with glasses and dark, short hair. He looked young, perhaps twenty. Raymond wanted nothing more than to punch his face in, but he suddenly realized he couldn't move a muscle.
"Raymond, Raymond." the man began. "Why did you and Charles mess things up? You were supposed to come waaay later. I mean, the Karen subplot was meant to dramatize your arrival, but instead, you decided to barge into things."
Raymond didn't understand what was going on. "What do you mean? Who are you?"
The man grinned. "I created you. I created all of this, actually." He waved at the darkness that surrounded them. "Well, you know what I mean. I created everything."
"How could you?"
"That's easy, because I wrote all of it. Of course, I couldn't well have my creations call me Vincent Lim. How imposing is that? So Beloved Leader was the only thing I could think of. Cliched, i know, but it gets the point across."
Raymond couldn't believe what he was hearing. Plot? Characters? It didn't make sense. "You're lying. You're just some crazy tyrant, controlling the lives of countless people."
"Ahh, but isn't that just what a writer is?" Vincent walked around Raymond. "Aren't we just tyrants, plotting out the fates of our creations, leading them to glory or off a cliff?"
"Whatever you say, as soon as I can move, I'm going to kill you."
Vincent laughed. "You, kill me? I created you! Besides, even if you killed the me right here, you'd be killing a ghost. I'm really on my bed, in my apartment, typing this in the middle of the night. Watch this." Quickly, he walked back to his desk. taking a pen, he started to write something down. From the darkness, a girl appeared. Raymond's eyes widened. ". . .Karen?"
The girl, confused, looked over at Raymond and burst into tears. "Oh my God, Raymond! Where did you go?" she ran over to him. "Oh God, look at you, what happened?" She brushed her fingers over Raymond's eyes. They were cool to the touch, and felt revitalizing.
Vincent looked at the exchange with delight. "Do you believe me now?"
Karen looked a Raymond. "I'm scared. Where are we?" Raymond smiled at her and told her to remain calm.
Raymond winced in pain, but he looked at Vincent straight in the eye. "Fine. Then what happens next?"
Vincent frowned. "I'm not sure. I just kind of did this as I went along, you know?"
Raymond stared at him. "So you decided to kill Charlie on a whim?"
"Now, now, Raymond, no need to get angry. After all, it was both of you that ruined a good thing. It's only natural that you should be punished."
"What's going to happen to me?" Raymond asked, but Karen interrupted him. She looked at Vincent with a cold stare. "Are you responsible for all this bullshit? Just leave us alone."
Vincent laughed. "Alright, Alright. I'm the writer, after all. I could just end the story here."
I guess that's the end, for now. This story needs some major tweaking, but I hope you enjoyed reading it.
At first, Raymond saw nothing, but as he focused on the darkness, something slowly came into view. Raymond couldn't tell what it was, but then he realized it was a large crowd. Raymond thought they were looking at him, a curious group looking at the monstrosity from the outside. However, Raymond soon realized that their backs were turned to him. They were gathered around something he couldn't quite make out. It looked like a post, in the middle of a large pile of something. Then he froze. Tied to the post was Charles, badly injured. Surrounding him was a large pile of wood.
"Hello, Raymond," a soft female voice called to him. Raymond looked around, but couldn't determine the source of the voice. "You caused quite a scare for my townspeople. I can't let that slide so easily."
"Who. . ." Raymond began, but he felt as if he already knew the answer. He was talking to the Beloved Leader. "Why is Charlie. . ."
"Tied up?" the voice interrupted. She laughed. "Or do you want to ask why he's about to die?"
"Die??" Raymond summoned the last of his strength and called out to the voice. "Why is he going to die??"
"What a silly question. Because he helped you, of course." And as if remotely signaled, a man with a torch slowly approached the wood pile. Charles slowly came to, and understanding the situation, began to scream. However, his voice made no sound.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I must've blocked the entry of sound into the room. Let me fix that." Suddenly, Charles' scream of horror echoed through the room, amplifying, intensifying. The fire slowly crept up to his feet.
"Stop this!" Raymond yelled. "He did nothing wrong!"
"No, he did something wrong. He messed everything up." The flames had now reached to his midsection. A mixture of pain and horror contorted his face, now beyond voicing his agony.
"Not to worry," the voice said. "I ensured he would have to wait quite a while to die. You see, I had him soaked in water, so that the flames would take longer to engulf him."
"Stop!" Raymond yelled. "Don't let him suffer like this! Isn't he someone under your care?"
The voice laughed melodically. "Don't be a fool. Why should I care if I lose one plaything?"
Raymond ran to the screen, his ankle shooting waves of pain through his leg. Pounding on it, he yelled, "Stop this right now! I'll do whatever you want!"
"Oh?" the voice said. The screen in front of him turned white again, but Charles' voice still echoed through the room. Then enter. A small hole appeared, which slowly grew into a elliptical door. Charles' screams slowly faded away. Raymond sighed a breath of relief. He walked though the door and into the darkness.
Raymond squinted his eyes and tried to make something out in the inky blackness, but he couldn't see a thing.
"Welcome to my inner study," a voice said, this time belonging to a man. "I apologize for deceiving you with my voice. Sometimes i just like to mix things up a bit, throw people for a loop. Raymond said nothing, still shocked by Charles' torture. Suddenly, a single light came on several feet ahead, illuminating a desk. A man was sitting behind it, shadows obscuring his face. All Raymond could make out was the glint of his glasses.
"Is Charlie okay?" Raymond asked.
The man shrugged. "Actually, he's already dead."
Raymond was at a loss for words.
"What you saw actually happened hours ago. He's just ash and bone now, I'm afraid. It took awhile, too. All that screaming got old, fast."
Raymond clenched his fists. "How-" but he couldn't finish his sentence. He was at a loss for words, his anger flaring.
"How could I, you ask? Because I can." The man stood up and walked over to Raymond. He could finally see his face for the first time. He was brown-skinned, with glasses and dark, short hair. He looked young, perhaps twenty. Raymond wanted nothing more than to punch his face in, but he suddenly realized he couldn't move a muscle.
"Raymond, Raymond." the man began. "Why did you and Charles mess things up? You were supposed to come waaay later. I mean, the Karen subplot was meant to dramatize your arrival, but instead, you decided to barge into things."
Raymond didn't understand what was going on. "What do you mean? Who are you?"
The man grinned. "I created you. I created all of this, actually." He waved at the darkness that surrounded them. "Well, you know what I mean. I created everything."
"How could you?"
"That's easy, because I wrote all of it. Of course, I couldn't well have my creations call me Vincent Lim. How imposing is that? So Beloved Leader was the only thing I could think of. Cliched, i know, but it gets the point across."
Raymond couldn't believe what he was hearing. Plot? Characters? It didn't make sense. "You're lying. You're just some crazy tyrant, controlling the lives of countless people."
"Ahh, but isn't that just what a writer is?" Vincent walked around Raymond. "Aren't we just tyrants, plotting out the fates of our creations, leading them to glory or off a cliff?"
"Whatever you say, as soon as I can move, I'm going to kill you."
Vincent laughed. "You, kill me? I created you! Besides, even if you killed the me right here, you'd be killing a ghost. I'm really on my bed, in my apartment, typing this in the middle of the night. Watch this." Quickly, he walked back to his desk. taking a pen, he started to write something down. From the darkness, a girl appeared. Raymond's eyes widened. ". . .Karen?"
The girl, confused, looked over at Raymond and burst into tears. "Oh my God, Raymond! Where did you go?" she ran over to him. "Oh God, look at you, what happened?" She brushed her fingers over Raymond's eyes. They were cool to the touch, and felt revitalizing.
Vincent looked at the exchange with delight. "Do you believe me now?"
Karen looked a Raymond. "I'm scared. Where are we?" Raymond smiled at her and told her to remain calm.
Raymond winced in pain, but he looked at Vincent straight in the eye. "Fine. Then what happens next?"
Vincent frowned. "I'm not sure. I just kind of did this as I went along, you know?"
Raymond stared at him. "So you decided to kill Charlie on a whim?"
"Now, now, Raymond, no need to get angry. After all, it was both of you that ruined a good thing. It's only natural that you should be punished."
"What's going to happen to me?" Raymond asked, but Karen interrupted him. She looked at Vincent with a cold stare. "Are you responsible for all this bullshit? Just leave us alone."
Vincent laughed. "Alright, Alright. I'm the writer, after all. I could just end the story here."
I guess that's the end, for now. This story needs some major tweaking, but I hope you enjoyed reading it.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
OH GAHH ANOTHER COMMERCIAL?
So eventually, I'll get to finishing that story. Maybe in that lull between finals, that eye of the storm. But for now, what better way to procrastinate on an essay than to blog? Thaaat's right, blogging always makes things better. It's like work, but not really!
So I guess today I'll present a thought:
Have you ever had deja vu? When you did, did you ever describe it to the person you're with? Deja vu makes you the biggest fool ever. Why, you ask? Let's present a scenario:
You and a friend are walking through the grocery store aisle. Your friend grabs a box of cereal, shakes it, then puts it back on the shelf. Both of you continue walking. "Woah, I just had deja vu," you say. "Really?" your friend says. "Yeah," you say. "We were both walking through the aisle of this grocery store, and then you took a box of cereal, shook it, then put it back."
FOOL! YOU JUST DESCRIBED THE LAST FEW SECONDS. Without the context of deja vu, it just sounded like you were giving a recap of the immediate past. This is high-larious and surreal. Deja vu is a cruel mistress that makes you sound like a crazy liar.
Well, that was bouncing around in my head for a while. Back to work!
So I guess today I'll present a thought:
Have you ever had deja vu? When you did, did you ever describe it to the person you're with? Deja vu makes you the biggest fool ever. Why, you ask? Let's present a scenario:
You and a friend are walking through the grocery store aisle. Your friend grabs a box of cereal, shakes it, then puts it back on the shelf. Both of you continue walking. "Woah, I just had deja vu," you say. "Really?" your friend says. "Yeah," you say. "We were both walking through the aisle of this grocery store, and then you took a box of cereal, shook it, then put it back."
FOOL! YOU JUST DESCRIBED THE LAST FEW SECONDS. Without the context of deja vu, it just sounded like you were giving a recap of the immediate past. This is high-larious and surreal. Deja vu is a cruel mistress that makes you sound like a crazy liar.
Well, that was bouncing around in my head for a while. Back to work!
Sunday, April 26, 2009
And now a word from our sponsors
a thought, and a story!
So here I am, enjoying a Swedish fish and typing out my blog, which brings to mind a Swedish fish joke that I like to say:
A man walks into a candy store and asks: "Do you have any good candy?"
And the candy store man says: "Well, we have some candy fish."
And the man says: "Is it sweet?"
And the candy store man says: "Well, it's Swe-dish!
And I was telling Tiffany that joke and she said "I've heard that joke a million times. It's boring!"
And it's true! I tell it every time I see Swedish fish (which isn't exactly every day) so I decided to make a new Swedish fish themed joke, right now:
What kind of fish waged a series of wars in the mid-to-late seventeenth century that left the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth in ruins?
Swedish fish!
So here I am, enjoying a Swedish fish and typing out my blog, which brings to mind a Swedish fish joke that I like to say:
A man walks into a candy store and asks: "Do you have any good candy?"
And the candy store man says: "Well, we have some candy fish."
And the man says: "Is it sweet?"
And the candy store man says: "Well, it's Swe-dish!
And I was telling Tiffany that joke and she said "I've heard that joke a million times. It's boring!"
And it's true! I tell it every time I see Swedish fish (which isn't exactly every day) so I decided to make a new Swedish fish themed joke, right now:
What kind of fish waged a series of wars in the mid-to-late seventeenth century that left the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth in ruins?
Swedish fish!
******************************
Alright, so here's an interesting story: On Friday, I needed to get my passport renewed (for what reason? Maybe another post will tell) so I jaunted over to the nearest post office on Shattuck, which offered passport renewal services, though they stopped at 3PM. I got out of class at 2, and by the time I was able to get to the post office, it was 2:45PM (That was due, in part, to the fact that the first address I used led me to an apartment complex.) When I got in line, the lady asked me if I had an appointment. Confused, I said no, because the website told me there was no need for an appointment. As it turned out, an apointment was necessary to get the renewal. I was disappointed, but she offered me two choices: either I sign up for an appointment and come again another day, or I could go down to 7th street and renew my passport at the walk-in office there, which thankfully closed at 4PM. I took the second option.
7th street is apparently in the middle of downtown, scary looking Oakland. I parked, covered up anything that looked remotely valuable, and headed for the huge post office building. Right at the the entrance was the walk-in office (more of a counter, really) and the line was short! Plus, the worker was a 40something Filipino lady! The combination of these things were certain to get me through in no time. When it was my turn, the lady noticed that my parents were from the Philippines and asked where they were from. We had a casual conversation as she processed my papers, and she was in a good mood, which was a plus. Then, at the end of the process, I had to swear an oath that stated everything on the application was correct, that the picture was my picture, etc. and I responded with a simple "I do." As i was signing the papers, I jokingly said:
"So, heh, when do get to kiss the bride?"
I laughed at the small joke, but I noticed that the lady didn't really laugh. So I took my reciept and left. As I was walking to my car, I suddenly thought: "Did I just hit on a 40something year old Filipino lady?"
7th street is apparently in the middle of downtown, scary looking Oakland. I parked, covered up anything that looked remotely valuable, and headed for the huge post office building. Right at the the entrance was the walk-in office (more of a counter, really) and the line was short! Plus, the worker was a 40something Filipino lady! The combination of these things were certain to get me through in no time. When it was my turn, the lady noticed that my parents were from the Philippines and asked where they were from. We had a casual conversation as she processed my papers, and she was in a good mood, which was a plus. Then, at the end of the process, I had to swear an oath that stated everything on the application was correct, that the picture was my picture, etc. and I responded with a simple "I do." As i was signing the papers, I jokingly said:
"So, heh, when do get to kiss the bride?"
I laughed at the small joke, but I noticed that the lady didn't really laugh. So I took my reciept and left. As I was walking to my car, I suddenly thought: "Did I just hit on a 40something year old Filipino lady?"
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Picture for yourself a full eatery
a continuation of this story
Screeching chair, a silent plop and a sigh.
"So, where did I leave off?"
"Who are you?"
"I'm pretty sure it was a cliffhanger..."
"Excuse me?"
"Ah! I remember now!"
"Hey!"
Sound rushed back into the busy restaurant. It was lunchtime, at the busiest possible hour. Men and women in business suits sat about, eating and talking about the new TS43 evaluation forms, catching up on the latest office gossip or just wolfing down their meager lunches. It had already been a long day, and it was to be longer still. Karen sat and stared at the strange man that suddenly decided to sit across from her. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, his hair askew and his clothes (a plain white tee with jeans) stained. His bearded face grinned wildly.
"Yes?" the man asked nonchalantly.
"Who are you?"
The man snorted and laughed, as if Karen had asked a ridiculous question. "Come on, now, Karen. Stop joking around."
"How do you know my name?"
The man laughed again. "Come on, Karen. Do you want to know more about Raymond?"
"How do-" Karen's voice lowered, angered. "How do you know Raymond?"
"There we go," the man said, tapping his temple. Karen seized up. "Now we can continue. I think this is where I left off..."
Raymond's voice echoed through the stadium, the speakers carrying his voice to every corner. The loud cheering died down, and the few men left struggling on the field stopped dead in their tracks and wearily looked towards the podium. In a matter of minutes, the stadium was blanketed in silence. Raymond, red faced, looked out at the confused crowd. People from the upper booths stood up and stared, stretch-necked, at the man standing in the podium. Suddenly the silence broke.
"He's an outsider!" someone from the crowd yelled. Others who were chasing him earlier shouted in agreement. "I heard him talk of the world outside!" one of them exclaimed. Gasps of surprise and fear rang through the crowd. Several people fainted.
"Wait! Please, listen! You have nothing to fear!" But before he could get another word out, the man in the striped suit suddenly appeared and punched him in the stomach. Dry heaves and retches prevented him from going any further. Two bulky men quickly jumped onto the stage and held him up.
"Explain yourself!" The man in the striped suit exclaimed, reclaiming his microphone. "Who are you?"
Raymond gasped his answer. "Raymond. . . Finch. I'm from. . . the outside."
Alrighty, I'll finish the rest another time!
Screeching chair, a silent plop and a sigh.
"So, where did I leave off?"
"Who are you?"
"I'm pretty sure it was a cliffhanger..."
"Excuse me?"
"Ah! I remember now!"
"Hey!"
Sound rushed back into the busy restaurant. It was lunchtime, at the busiest possible hour. Men and women in business suits sat about, eating and talking about the new TS43 evaluation forms, catching up on the latest office gossip or just wolfing down their meager lunches. It had already been a long day, and it was to be longer still. Karen sat and stared at the strange man that suddenly decided to sit across from her. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, his hair askew and his clothes (a plain white tee with jeans) stained. His bearded face grinned wildly.
"Yes?" the man asked nonchalantly.
"Who are you?"
The man snorted and laughed, as if Karen had asked a ridiculous question. "Come on, now, Karen. Stop joking around."
"How do you know my name?"
The man laughed again. "Come on, Karen. Do you want to know more about Raymond?"
"How do-" Karen's voice lowered, angered. "How do you know Raymond?"
"There we go," the man said, tapping his temple. Karen seized up. "Now we can continue. I think this is where I left off..."
***********************************************
Raymond's voice echoed through the stadium, the speakers carrying his voice to every corner. The loud cheering died down, and the few men left struggling on the field stopped dead in their tracks and wearily looked towards the podium. In a matter of minutes, the stadium was blanketed in silence. Raymond, red faced, looked out at the confused crowd. People from the upper booths stood up and stared, stretch-necked, at the man standing in the podium. Suddenly the silence broke.
"He's an outsider!" someone from the crowd yelled. Others who were chasing him earlier shouted in agreement. "I heard him talk of the world outside!" one of them exclaimed. Gasps of surprise and fear rang through the crowd. Several people fainted.
"Wait! Please, listen! You have nothing to fear!" But before he could get another word out, the man in the striped suit suddenly appeared and punched him in the stomach. Dry heaves and retches prevented him from going any further. Two bulky men quickly jumped onto the stage and held him up.
"Explain yourself!" The man in the striped suit exclaimed, reclaiming his microphone. "Who are you?"
Raymond gasped his answer. "Raymond. . . Finch. I'm from. . . the outside."
Alrighty, I'll finish the rest another time!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Once upon a time
"Ready your bids, gents!"
"I have the winner on hand, I know it!"
"Now now, wishful thinking won't get you anywhere."
Peals of laughter rung through the booth as finely-dressed men and women filled the air with excited murmurings. The dome gleamed above them as the took their seats and looked on. It was a fine day for a race.
Their chatting and speculating soon died down as a man in a striped suit ambled onto the middle of the track. Microphone in one hand, he held the other to silence the anxious crowd.
"Ladies and gentlemen!" he began. Voices lowered, though speculation on the winner continued. "Our grand celebration is about to begin!"
The crowd below the booths cheered wildly, the young men jumping up and down with glee. Those more affluent members of society clapped politely in their booths, smiles stretched on their faces. The announcer once again held his hand up to calm the crowd. Once the cheering died down, be began again.
"This time-honored tradition has been a proud part of our heritage, and a vital one at that." Several elder members in the crowd as well as in the booths nodded knowingly. "Fifty years ago today, our Beloved Leader saw it fit to protect us from the ravaged world outside, shielding us from the outbreak of disease." As he said this, he waved his hand overhead, gesturing to the massive dome above.
"We continue to honor our Beloved Leader with the celebration he established fifty years ago, our brave men demonstrating their strength for him to see." He bowed to the looming tower at the front of the field, the top obscured by tinted glass.
"All year, we work hard and place our full effort in sustaining our beautiful home, as well as the barrier that protects us from the ugly devastation outside. The fruits of our labor culminate on this day, as we test our men and choose the one strong enough to continue our survival!"
Cheers once again filled the stadium, infused with mirth and happiness. In the midst of the crowd, Raymond curiously looked on. What was this all about? Standing nervously next to him was Charles, cautiously looking around to make sure no one was paying attention.
"So what's this whole thing about?" Raymond asked loudly, the crowd nearly overtaking his voice. "Shhh! Not too loud!" Charles hissed. "If anyone figures out you're from the outside, they'll tear you apart! Not to mention, they'll kill the one soiled by his infection!"
Raymond stared at Charles and laughed, slapping him on the back. "I told you already, Charlie. There is no infection!"
Charles hushed him again. "Try telling that to a mob of panicked and angry villagers! And please, stop calling me Charlie!"
Raymond laughed again. "Whatever you say, Charlie. So tell me, what goes on here?"
Charles had an annoyed look on his face, but decided to answer Raymond anyway. "In a word? A footrace."
"Just a race? But it looks like a pretty big deal. The whole village must be here. It must be some race."
"That's because everyone in the village IS here. Look, I don't know how you outsiders live, but when you spend an entire year doing nothing but work, you tend to enjoy a good distraction."
Raymond looked around and grinned. "Yeah, you have a point. It was a real bore here until today. I'm glad I could stick around for this."
Charles looked at Raymond, then looked out at the track, which was beginning to be filled with young men. Some looked excited, while others looked frightened. Everyone seemed nervous. The man in the striped suit walked off the field and to a podium just outside of the track. "Yeah, it's a big deal. But this isn't just for entertainment, you know."
"Oh yeah?" Raymond said, looking out at the men. "Hey! It's Eddie!"
The young farm hand was standing in the small crowd of prospective racers. "Eddie!" Raymond called out to him, waving wildly. Eddie saw him, grinned and waved back. The men crowded around the starting line and took their positions.
"Yeah," said Charles. "It's also a test."
The starting gun cracked and the young men took off. Raymond focused on Eddie, noticing a change in his eyes. They were filled with sheer determination, as if he was betting everything on this race. His face gleamed with excitement.
Then suddenly it disappeared.
Raymond looked on in horror as a headless Eddie slowed down, then collapsed to the ground. A large scythe appeared from nearby, sending his head flying onto the nearby grass. Suddenly, the track was changing. Traps appeared everywhere, and in the midst of the excited screams from the crowd, men were being crushed, sliced and maimed.
"We need men that are strong." Charles said quietly. Raymond turned to him, a shocked look on his face.
"Even though we work our hardest, we still don't have enough to keep our village alive. Every year, we choose one courageous man to brave out into the ravaged world outside and bring back the Beloved Leader's necessary materials to keep us going. Every year, we have this test in order to determine who's strong enough to venture into the world outside. Usually, the winner is able to ensure our survival, but he succumbs to the infection."
Raymond opened his mouth, but he couldn't find his voice. The carnage before him was too much to bear. One man safely jumped over a pit of spikes only to be sawed in half by a buzz saw that suddenly appeared in his path. "Oh no!" a man cried out nearby, throwing a ticket on the ground "I was so sure he would win!"
"This is wrong." was all he could say.
"This is our way of life." Charles said.
"But your way of life is wrong!" Raymond cried out. Several people heard him and looked at him curiously. Charles hushed him again. "I said keep your voice down!"
"Why would you need someone strong to go out there? I'm a wimp, and I made it here fine! Sure, the world has its dangers, but you don't need to go through this to survive!"
"But the infection," Charles began, but Raymond cut him off.
"How many times do I have to tell you? There is no infection!" Now he was catching the attention of more people. Several had stopped their cheering entirely and stared at him.
"We have to stop this," Raymond said, pushing through the crowd, trying to get to the man in the striped suit, who was still holding onto the microphone, commentating on the ongoing race. "Oh!" his voice rang out. "Looks like dear Richard won't be able to walk his children to the schoolhouse anymore. Perhaps the carpenter can fashion him a fine wheelchair after the race, providing he survives it!"
Several people had begun to catch on to Raymond's true nature. They began to shout angrily towards him, grabbing at his clothes, their angry yells mixing with the excited cheers. Slowly, he made his way to the man in the striped suit.
"An outsider!" A voice yelled. More people turned to see where the commotion was coming from. Raymond pushed away his chasers and grabbed the microphone from the announcer's hand.
"STOP THIS RACE!" he yelled.
To be continued! Give me your feedback!
"I have the winner on hand, I know it!"
"Now now, wishful thinking won't get you anywhere."
Peals of laughter rung through the booth as finely-dressed men and women filled the air with excited murmurings. The dome gleamed above them as the took their seats and looked on. It was a fine day for a race.
Their chatting and speculating soon died down as a man in a striped suit ambled onto the middle of the track. Microphone in one hand, he held the other to silence the anxious crowd.
"Ladies and gentlemen!" he began. Voices lowered, though speculation on the winner continued. "Our grand celebration is about to begin!"
The crowd below the booths cheered wildly, the young men jumping up and down with glee. Those more affluent members of society clapped politely in their booths, smiles stretched on their faces. The announcer once again held his hand up to calm the crowd. Once the cheering died down, be began again.
"This time-honored tradition has been a proud part of our heritage, and a vital one at that." Several elder members in the crowd as well as in the booths nodded knowingly. "Fifty years ago today, our Beloved Leader saw it fit to protect us from the ravaged world outside, shielding us from the outbreak of disease." As he said this, he waved his hand overhead, gesturing to the massive dome above.
"We continue to honor our Beloved Leader with the celebration he established fifty years ago, our brave men demonstrating their strength for him to see." He bowed to the looming tower at the front of the field, the top obscured by tinted glass.
"All year, we work hard and place our full effort in sustaining our beautiful home, as well as the barrier that protects us from the ugly devastation outside. The fruits of our labor culminate on this day, as we test our men and choose the one strong enough to continue our survival!"
Cheers once again filled the stadium, infused with mirth and happiness. In the midst of the crowd, Raymond curiously looked on. What was this all about? Standing nervously next to him was Charles, cautiously looking around to make sure no one was paying attention.
"So what's this whole thing about?" Raymond asked loudly, the crowd nearly overtaking his voice. "Shhh! Not too loud!" Charles hissed. "If anyone figures out you're from the outside, they'll tear you apart! Not to mention, they'll kill the one soiled by his infection!"
Raymond stared at Charles and laughed, slapping him on the back. "I told you already, Charlie. There is no infection!"
Charles hushed him again. "Try telling that to a mob of panicked and angry villagers! And please, stop calling me Charlie!"
Raymond laughed again. "Whatever you say, Charlie. So tell me, what goes on here?"
Charles had an annoyed look on his face, but decided to answer Raymond anyway. "In a word? A footrace."
"Just a race? But it looks like a pretty big deal. The whole village must be here. It must be some race."
"That's because everyone in the village IS here. Look, I don't know how you outsiders live, but when you spend an entire year doing nothing but work, you tend to enjoy a good distraction."
Raymond looked around and grinned. "Yeah, you have a point. It was a real bore here until today. I'm glad I could stick around for this."
Charles looked at Raymond, then looked out at the track, which was beginning to be filled with young men. Some looked excited, while others looked frightened. Everyone seemed nervous. The man in the striped suit walked off the field and to a podium just outside of the track. "Yeah, it's a big deal. But this isn't just for entertainment, you know."
"Oh yeah?" Raymond said, looking out at the men. "Hey! It's Eddie!"
The young farm hand was standing in the small crowd of prospective racers. "Eddie!" Raymond called out to him, waving wildly. Eddie saw him, grinned and waved back. The men crowded around the starting line and took their positions.
"Yeah," said Charles. "It's also a test."
The starting gun cracked and the young men took off. Raymond focused on Eddie, noticing a change in his eyes. They were filled with sheer determination, as if he was betting everything on this race. His face gleamed with excitement.
Then suddenly it disappeared.
Raymond looked on in horror as a headless Eddie slowed down, then collapsed to the ground. A large scythe appeared from nearby, sending his head flying onto the nearby grass. Suddenly, the track was changing. Traps appeared everywhere, and in the midst of the excited screams from the crowd, men were being crushed, sliced and maimed.
"We need men that are strong." Charles said quietly. Raymond turned to him, a shocked look on his face.
"Even though we work our hardest, we still don't have enough to keep our village alive. Every year, we choose one courageous man to brave out into the ravaged world outside and bring back the Beloved Leader's necessary materials to keep us going. Every year, we have this test in order to determine who's strong enough to venture into the world outside. Usually, the winner is able to ensure our survival, but he succumbs to the infection."
Raymond opened his mouth, but he couldn't find his voice. The carnage before him was too much to bear. One man safely jumped over a pit of spikes only to be sawed in half by a buzz saw that suddenly appeared in his path. "Oh no!" a man cried out nearby, throwing a ticket on the ground "I was so sure he would win!"
"This is wrong." was all he could say.
"This is our way of life." Charles said.
"But your way of life is wrong!" Raymond cried out. Several people heard him and looked at him curiously. Charles hushed him again. "I said keep your voice down!"
"Why would you need someone strong to go out there? I'm a wimp, and I made it here fine! Sure, the world has its dangers, but you don't need to go through this to survive!"
"But the infection," Charles began, but Raymond cut him off.
"How many times do I have to tell you? There is no infection!" Now he was catching the attention of more people. Several had stopped their cheering entirely and stared at him.
"We have to stop this," Raymond said, pushing through the crowd, trying to get to the man in the striped suit, who was still holding onto the microphone, commentating on the ongoing race. "Oh!" his voice rang out. "Looks like dear Richard won't be able to walk his children to the schoolhouse anymore. Perhaps the carpenter can fashion him a fine wheelchair after the race, providing he survives it!"
Several people had begun to catch on to Raymond's true nature. They began to shout angrily towards him, grabbing at his clothes, their angry yells mixing with the excited cheers. Slowly, he made his way to the man in the striped suit.
"An outsider!" A voice yelled. More people turned to see where the commotion was coming from. Raymond pushed away his chasers and grabbed the microphone from the announcer's hand.
"STOP THIS RACE!" he yelled.
To be continued! Give me your feedback!
Monday, April 20, 2009
I GAVE BIRTH TO YOUUUUU UH-HAH UH-HAH UH-HAH
Here's an interesting internet trick from an interesting place: Google this phrase along with the quotation marks: "I shouldn't have kissed him/her" (him if you're a girl, her if you're a guy, or whichever floats your boat), remember the total number of results, then Google "I SHOULD have kissed her/him" (again, whichever you choose).
Usually, the internet is pretty much the underbelly of humanity, total chaos and no real clarity in sight. But it does happen, though rarely. Sometimes, in all of that mess, there's just a little clarity. We all think "I'm going to live my life without regrets!" or "Carpe diem! Do today what you could do tomorrow!" But how often is it that we really follow through? How often do we think to ourselves "I'm glad I made that choice"? It's rare, sometimes. That sounds ambiguous, but it really does depend on the situation. We make day-to-day decisions that affect our thoughts and feelings, some more lasting than others. Maybe it was a food choice (I'm glad i bought that salad instead of the cheeseburger) or maybe it was the decision to wake up (I'm glad I didn't miss class). These smaller decisions are more common. But what about the bigger picture? What about the things that don't simply last the day? What about the choices that have a more significant effect on our psyche?
Did you hug the person closest to you and tell them why they're so important? Did you apply for that job? Do you feel the plans you have made are the plans you want? Did you write that story? All these questions, plaguing the mind, never letting go, never letting you forget. It's stressful, and it's something we all face on a day to day basis. How is it possible to face these regrets and be able to stand straight?
That's easy. The thing about regrets is that they're awesome teachers. "I should have kissed her" teaches you that sometimes, you just have to take that leap of faith. "That job could've been mine" becomes your drive to fill out that next application. "I wish I could put that into coherent words" instructs you to go out and find them.
No one's saying to go out there, pull a Whitman and sound your barbaric YAWP over the world. Because not everyone is ready for that quite yet. Someday, our YAWP will shake walls. But for now, it's okay to start small. "I'll try to make decisions that I'll be proud of" can soon become "I'm making decisions I'm proud of" as long as that's what you really want. Like they say, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. So just lose those regrets, step by step.
Usually, the internet is pretty much the underbelly of humanity, total chaos and no real clarity in sight. But it does happen, though rarely. Sometimes, in all of that mess, there's just a little clarity. We all think "I'm going to live my life without regrets!" or "Carpe diem! Do today what you could do tomorrow!" But how often is it that we really follow through? How often do we think to ourselves "I'm glad I made that choice"? It's rare, sometimes. That sounds ambiguous, but it really does depend on the situation. We make day-to-day decisions that affect our thoughts and feelings, some more lasting than others. Maybe it was a food choice (I'm glad i bought that salad instead of the cheeseburger) or maybe it was the decision to wake up (I'm glad I didn't miss class). These smaller decisions are more common. But what about the bigger picture? What about the things that don't simply last the day? What about the choices that have a more significant effect on our psyche?
Did you hug the person closest to you and tell them why they're so important? Did you apply for that job? Do you feel the plans you have made are the plans you want? Did you write that story? All these questions, plaguing the mind, never letting go, never letting you forget. It's stressful, and it's something we all face on a day to day basis. How is it possible to face these regrets and be able to stand straight?
That's easy. The thing about regrets is that they're awesome teachers. "I should have kissed her" teaches you that sometimes, you just have to take that leap of faith. "That job could've been mine" becomes your drive to fill out that next application. "I wish I could put that into coherent words" instructs you to go out and find them.
No one's saying to go out there, pull a Whitman and sound your barbaric YAWP over the world. Because not everyone is ready for that quite yet. Someday, our YAWP will shake walls. But for now, it's okay to start small. "I'll try to make decisions that I'll be proud of" can soon become "I'm making decisions I'm proud of" as long as that's what you really want. Like they say, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. So just lose those regrets, step by step.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
HEY MONICA'S BLOGGING!
HAY EVERYONE! MONICA'S BLOGGING NEXT TO ME LOLOLOLOLOL!!1
Okay, seriously now.
PSHHH HAHAHAHA
HA HA! OH MAN, OH MAN, I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING. POKING FUN AT MONICA'S SO AWESOME!
Okay, okay, I'm done now. Sorry Monica, it's just that I can't hel-PSHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHA OH GOD, I'M LAUGHING SO MUCH. I THINK I MIGHT PASS OUT FROM ALL THE LAUGHTER. SERIOUSLY THOUGH, SOMEONE HELP ME HAHAHAHAHA. WHY? WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME LAUGH SO MUCH?? HAHAHAHA HAHAHA OH NO, OH NO HAHAHAHAHAHA HELPHAHAHAHAHAHA CAN'T BREATHEHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA HAHA HA
Okay, seriously now.
PSHHH HAHAHAHA
HA HA! OH MAN, OH MAN, I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING. POKING FUN AT MONICA'S SO AWESOME!
Okay, okay, I'm done now. Sorry Monica, it's just that I can't hel-PSHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHA OH GOD, I'M LAUGHING SO MUCH. I THINK I MIGHT PASS OUT FROM ALL THE LAUGHTER. SERIOUSLY THOUGH, SOMEONE HELP ME HAHAHAHAHA. WHY? WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME LAUGH SO MUCH?? HAHAHAHA HAHAHA OH NO, OH NO HAHAHAHAHAHA HELPHAHAHAHAHAHA CAN'T BREATHEHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA HAHA HA
Sunday, April 12, 2009
When does hiding an easter egg become littering?
I've been thinking lately about coincidences (or, as my euro lit professor pronounces it, kaincidences). What brings me to this thought is an incident from a few days ago. Like most days (not so much lately) I walked over to the bus stop. Well, ran, really. I don't like missing the bus too often. When I got there, a lady was sitting on the bench waiting for the bus. I sat down next to her, and from the corner of my eye, I saw her take out a cigarette. I see the "No Smoking" signs that plaster the stops, but at the same time, people smoke around there all the time, so I ignored it. That is, until she lit up. The smell instantly told me she was smoking an entirely different plant.
Cigarettes, I've gotten used to smelling, since it's everywhere. Marijuana, on the other hand, I can't stand. Mainly because it smells so much like body odor. Like, I haven't showered for a long time and I sweat profusely type of body odor. So i was sitting there, keeping from gagging and trying hard not to make it look like I was supressing gags when two busses arrived. Both busses arrived to the stop I needed to get to, but they got there differently. One bus was the 72, which has lots of stops, and takes longer to where I needed to get. The other was the 72R, which got there much quicker. On a normal day, I would've taken the 72R. But today, the lady smoker expressed out loud her desire to take the R, so today it was the 72. Even though it takes longer to get to my stop, usually I don't have to wait to long. But today, for some reason, there was someone that needed to get on or off at EVERY stop, making the ride much, much longer. The R had passed us long ago.
By the time I reached my stop, My next bus was already leaving its stop. Had I taken the R, I would have been on it. But, my choice forced me to wait for the next bus. As I stood there, waiting to cross the street to the stop and cursing my luck and my choice, I heard an elderly lady behind me. She was asking the people around me, "Do you know how to get to Dana and Durant?" Everyone she asked either ignored her or shrugged. She wasn't going to get any help here. So I spoke up. "Actually," I told her. "That stop is on the 51, a little ways down." I pointed her to the right bus, which was the bus I happened to be taking. Funny thing is, Dana and Durant is the stop I always get off on when going to school. The old lady smiled. "Thank you. Have a nice day." When i got off at my stop, I was feeling pretty good, having done my good deed for the day.
Then I started thinking. Had I decided to go on the R, that lady might have still been asking around, not sure of what bus to take. Sure, she might have found help eventually, but because I was late, I was able to help her, when no one else did. Then I thought of how funny coincidence is, how things that seem like bad luck at first can actually become beneficial, maybe not for myself but for the sake of others. The smallest choices we make can have big impact on the whole. Take that day for instance. My missing the 51 allowed me to help that old lady. But the cause of that was my decision to take the 72 instead of the R. But the cause of that was the lady smoking weed. So that annoyance was a good thing but it goes even beyond that.
My time with the weed smoker was caused by my running late. But my running late was caused by my desire to have 5 more minutes of sleep. But the cause of that was my staying up a few extra hours. And the cause of that was a really interesting chapter. See where I'm going with this? Coincidence is always thought to be because of chance, but maybe that's not it. Maybe coincidence is the result of the choices we make. I don't know, but even if we have that predetermined route that leads to some chance encounter or occurence, I'm still amazed and awed by it. These small miracles that dot our day might seem insignificant or just by chance, but don't you think it's pretty amazing that out of the vast pool of things that could have happened in that small encounter, a coincidence occured?
Cigarettes, I've gotten used to smelling, since it's everywhere. Marijuana, on the other hand, I can't stand. Mainly because it smells so much like body odor. Like, I haven't showered for a long time and I sweat profusely type of body odor. So i was sitting there, keeping from gagging and trying hard not to make it look like I was supressing gags when two busses arrived. Both busses arrived to the stop I needed to get to, but they got there differently. One bus was the 72, which has lots of stops, and takes longer to where I needed to get. The other was the 72R, which got there much quicker. On a normal day, I would've taken the 72R. But today, the lady smoker expressed out loud her desire to take the R, so today it was the 72. Even though it takes longer to get to my stop, usually I don't have to wait to long. But today, for some reason, there was someone that needed to get on or off at EVERY stop, making the ride much, much longer. The R had passed us long ago.
By the time I reached my stop, My next bus was already leaving its stop. Had I taken the R, I would have been on it. But, my choice forced me to wait for the next bus. As I stood there, waiting to cross the street to the stop and cursing my luck and my choice, I heard an elderly lady behind me. She was asking the people around me, "Do you know how to get to Dana and Durant?" Everyone she asked either ignored her or shrugged. She wasn't going to get any help here. So I spoke up. "Actually," I told her. "That stop is on the 51, a little ways down." I pointed her to the right bus, which was the bus I happened to be taking. Funny thing is, Dana and Durant is the stop I always get off on when going to school. The old lady smiled. "Thank you. Have a nice day." When i got off at my stop, I was feeling pretty good, having done my good deed for the day.
Then I started thinking. Had I decided to go on the R, that lady might have still been asking around, not sure of what bus to take. Sure, she might have found help eventually, but because I was late, I was able to help her, when no one else did. Then I thought of how funny coincidence is, how things that seem like bad luck at first can actually become beneficial, maybe not for myself but for the sake of others. The smallest choices we make can have big impact on the whole. Take that day for instance. My missing the 51 allowed me to help that old lady. But the cause of that was my decision to take the 72 instead of the R. But the cause of that was the lady smoking weed. So that annoyance was a good thing but it goes even beyond that.
My time with the weed smoker was caused by my running late. But my running late was caused by my desire to have 5 more minutes of sleep. But the cause of that was my staying up a few extra hours. And the cause of that was a really interesting chapter. See where I'm going with this? Coincidence is always thought to be because of chance, but maybe that's not it. Maybe coincidence is the result of the choices we make. I don't know, but even if we have that predetermined route that leads to some chance encounter or occurence, I'm still amazed and awed by it. These small miracles that dot our day might seem insignificant or just by chance, but don't you think it's pretty amazing that out of the vast pool of things that could have happened in that small encounter, a coincidence occured?
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wanna hear a long joke? Joooooooooke
Three guys are on a boat, sailing on the ocean on a clear, beautiful day. They decide to do some fishing, so they take out their poles, put some bait on the hooks, cast their lines and begin to wait. The first guy says to the second guy: "Hey, do you think we'll get anything?" Before the second guy can say anything, the third guy blurts out: "I don't know, man. It doesn't look like we'll be getting too many bites." The second guy is a little annoyed that he was interrupted, but he lets it go. An hour passes by, and still, no bites. The first guy says again to the second guy: "Do you think we'll have any luck?" And again, before he can reply, the third guy again interrupts: "Well, maybe our luck will change, but I'm pretty convinced we're outta luck." The second guy is now visibly upset, but he decides to once again let it go. Another hour passes and they have nothing. The first guy lets out a sigh and says to the second guy: "Maybe we should pack up, clouds are beginning to form." and once again, before he can say anything, the third guy cuts in: "Yeah, definitely." The second guy can't take it anymore, so he says "Damn, Eric, can't you let a guy just talk?!" The third guy's speechless. "Jesus, Paul, sorry, okay? I didn't think you'd be so bitchy about this." The first guy intervenes. "Paul's right. I've been trying to talk to him all day and you keep just butting in. Can't you show some restraint?" The third guy's taken aback. "Not you too, Marty? Come on, man, I thought you were putting those questions out in the open. If you wanted to talk to Paul, you should've called him. You just asked those questions as if they were meant for the group!" Paul shakes his head "Whatever, man. Let's just get out of here, it looks like a storm's coming." As if it was scripted, thunder began to rumble, along with the flash of lightning. Rain suddenly begins to pour. "Jesus!" Marty yells over the roar of the rain. "We gotta get out, pronto!" The men scramble to the cabin and start the engine. Nothing. Suddenly, a huge wave slams over the boat, nearly tipping it. "Oh God, oh God, oh God," Eric mumbles to himself. "We're gonna die here!" Paul smacks him in the face. "Get it together! We're NOT going to die here! Not today!" Eric straightens up and looks at Paul. "Thanks, man. I needed that. Sorry for calling you bitchy." Paul flashes a smile and says "Apology accepted." Marty throws some rope to both men and says "Alright, ladies. Enough with the tearful reconciliation. Tie yourself to something sturdy and get ready for a bumpy ride." For the next few hours, all three men are grabbing on for dear life as wave after wave slam onto the side of the ship. For such a small boat, it's hanging on fairly well. But, despite its tenacity, it sinks below the waves.
Paul wakes up to find himself on the shore of a tropical island. He looks around, and sees Marty nearby. He quickly crawls over to him and shakes him awake. "Marty! Marty! We're alive! We made it!" Marty quickly gets up and looks around. He lets out a big laugh and says: "You're right! I can't believe it!" But suddenly, his laughter is cut short. "Where's Eric?" Paul's grin quickly disappears. "Oh no. Oh God, no." He points out to the nearby surf. Both men can see what's left of Eric as it quietly disappears below the waves. "Oh-" is all Marty can say before he has to empty his stomach. "Oh why..." Paul whispers. "OH GOD WHYYYYY?" Both men are quietly sobbing, mourning the death of their dear friend. But before they can go out to retrieve the remains, men in leaves and loincloths equipped with spears run out of the forest and surround them. Both men are suddenly filled with a mixture of fear and sorrow. In the midst of the strangers, a heavyset man with warpaint on his face walks up to them. "WHITE MEN" he bellows. "YOU HAVE COME TO MY UNTOUCHED PARADISE. THIS HAS UPSET ME." The men cower at his yelling. "IF YOU WISH TO LIVE," he continues. "YOU MUST GO OUT INTO THE FOREST, COLLECT 10 OF ANY FRUIT, AND PLACE IT UP YOUR BUTT. IF YOU CAN DO THIS WITHOUT FLINCHING, I WILL LET YOU LIVE. BUT BE WARNED," he adds. "IF YOU SO MUCH AS WINCE, MY MEN WILL IMPALE YOU!" Both men are visibly in tears, ready to break down. But then suddenly Marty stops. "Wait a second, chief. You said this is your untouched paradise?" The chief glares at him. "YOU DARE QUESTION ME? OF COURSE IT IS!" Marty looks at him square in the eye. "If that's the case, then why do you know English?" The chief is taken aback. "UH, WELL, YOU SEE..." but before he can offer an explanation, one of the men in loincloths says "Forget it, Frank. The jig's up." The chief attempts to stutter an explanation, but gives up. "Oh, alright! You've ended up on an island just off the coast of Florida. Me and the guys like to come here and spook anyone that comes by. Sorry about that." Paul, at first sobbing uncontrollably, finally yells out: "We were shipwrecked, you ass! We nearly died, except for out friend Eric! He actually died!" He says as he points toward the sea. "Please, help us get the body." Frank lets out a big sigh. "Oooh, I'm so sorry, guys. Yeah, we'll definitely lend a hand." The proper authorities were called, and eventually Eric's body was recovered. His widow was informed.
Moral of the story: never interrupt someone while he's talking
Wait, was I telling a joke?
Paul wakes up to find himself on the shore of a tropical island. He looks around, and sees Marty nearby. He quickly crawls over to him and shakes him awake. "Marty! Marty! We're alive! We made it!" Marty quickly gets up and looks around. He lets out a big laugh and says: "You're right! I can't believe it!" But suddenly, his laughter is cut short. "Where's Eric?" Paul's grin quickly disappears. "Oh no. Oh God, no." He points out to the nearby surf. Both men can see what's left of Eric as it quietly disappears below the waves. "Oh-" is all Marty can say before he has to empty his stomach. "Oh why..." Paul whispers. "OH GOD WHYYYYY?" Both men are quietly sobbing, mourning the death of their dear friend. But before they can go out to retrieve the remains, men in leaves and loincloths equipped with spears run out of the forest and surround them. Both men are suddenly filled with a mixture of fear and sorrow. In the midst of the strangers, a heavyset man with warpaint on his face walks up to them. "WHITE MEN" he bellows. "YOU HAVE COME TO MY UNTOUCHED PARADISE. THIS HAS UPSET ME." The men cower at his yelling. "IF YOU WISH TO LIVE," he continues. "YOU MUST GO OUT INTO THE FOREST, COLLECT 10 OF ANY FRUIT, AND PLACE IT UP YOUR BUTT. IF YOU CAN DO THIS WITHOUT FLINCHING, I WILL LET YOU LIVE. BUT BE WARNED," he adds. "IF YOU SO MUCH AS WINCE, MY MEN WILL IMPALE YOU!" Both men are visibly in tears, ready to break down. But then suddenly Marty stops. "Wait a second, chief. You said this is your untouched paradise?" The chief glares at him. "YOU DARE QUESTION ME? OF COURSE IT IS!" Marty looks at him square in the eye. "If that's the case, then why do you know English?" The chief is taken aback. "UH, WELL, YOU SEE..." but before he can offer an explanation, one of the men in loincloths says "Forget it, Frank. The jig's up." The chief attempts to stutter an explanation, but gives up. "Oh, alright! You've ended up on an island just off the coast of Florida. Me and the guys like to come here and spook anyone that comes by. Sorry about that." Paul, at first sobbing uncontrollably, finally yells out: "We were shipwrecked, you ass! We nearly died, except for out friend Eric! He actually died!" He says as he points toward the sea. "Please, help us get the body." Frank lets out a big sigh. "Oooh, I'm so sorry, guys. Yeah, we'll definitely lend a hand." The proper authorities were called, and eventually Eric's body was recovered. His widow was informed.
Moral of the story: never interrupt someone while he's talking
Wait, was I telling a joke?
ATTENTION
THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
HERE ARE GARLIC FRIES:
GARLIC FRIES ARE DELICIOUS. THEY MAKE YOU HAPPY. ESPECIALLY WITH COCKTAIL SAUCE.
HOWEVER. IT ALSO MAKES YOUR BREATH KILL PEOPLE.
THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.
HERE ARE GARLIC FRIES:
GARLIC FRIES ARE DELICIOUS. THEY MAKE YOU HAPPY. ESPECIALLY WITH COCKTAIL SAUCE.
HOWEVER. IT ALSO MAKES YOUR BREATH KILL PEOPLE.
THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.
Monday, April 6, 2009
so there i was, right? (a story through the perspective of inanimate objects)
so there i was, being a backpack, right? there we were, walking to upper sproul me full of books and a binder, trying to make sure i didn't drop anything, when my owner suddenly lifts his left arm then lets it down. what's up with that?
so there i was, being shoes, right? there we were, the weight of the world inside of me, trying to avoid the gum and nasty stuff on the floor when all of a sudden the big guy upstairs slows down for a few paces, then suddenly speeds up. i was all like what the fuhhh?
so there i was, being a cellphone right? i was just sitting there, making sure i yelled if any calls came through, but none did, so it was pretty boring.
so there i was, being a two-week old wristband on his right arm, right? he had me at his side when we went down upper sproul. the he stabs me in the back and uses his left arm to reach for something! i couldn't see what it was, but i was all like aw helllll no!
so there i was, being earbuds, right? just pumping music into this poor guy's ears, because that's my job. there we were, walking down upper sproul, when this guy ahead of him holds out a paper in his direction. he reaches out to grab it, but the guy completely ignores him and moves the paper in another direction in mid-grab. how embarassing is that?
Friday, April 3, 2009
Picture story!
Dear Blog,
How are you? Today, I went to a supermarket. It sort of looks like this:
So here I was, with my good friend Cary, walking around, right? We're wandering around the produce aisle, which looks like this:
So there I am, wandering the aisle, when I hear someone.
"Excuse me!"
I turn to see who's talking to me. Right in front of me was this guy, a regular looking guy. Just a normal sort of guy, with glasses and a hat. The kind with a duck bill. I guess I could show what that would look like:
So then this guy says
"Hey! I really like your shirt!"
And I was like
"Thanks!"
And then he
"Do you mind if i take a picture?"
And then me, flattered
"Sure!"
And then he takes a picture and goes away. And I'm feeling really good, you know? Someone thought my shirt was cool! Then Cary points out how creepy that whole exchange was. Then I realize it was creepy. Then the guy shows up again!
"Here's my card"
How are you? Today, I went to a supermarket. It sort of looks like this:
So here I was, with my good friend Cary, walking around, right? We're wandering around the produce aisle, which looks like this:
So there I am, wandering the aisle, when I hear someone.
"Excuse me!"
I turn to see who's talking to me. Right in front of me was this guy, a regular looking guy. Just a normal sort of guy, with glasses and a hat. The kind with a duck bill. I guess I could show what that would look like:
So then this guy says
"Hey! I really like your shirt!"
And I was like
"Thanks!"
And then he
"Do you mind if i take a picture?"
And then me, flattered
"Sure!"
And then he takes a picture and goes away. And I'm feeling really good, you know? Someone thought my shirt was cool! Then Cary points out how creepy that whole exchange was. Then I realize it was creepy. Then the guy shows up again!
"Here's my card"
I got his card! It was strange. It had his blog on it. Blog share! www.allaboutgeorge.com
Ok blog, I gotta go! I love you!
Ok blog, I gotta go! I love you!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
HAY GUISE
LAWLS I'M STARTING A BLOG!!!!!!1
FURREALS I'M GONNA WRITE ABOUT MAI LYFE AND AWESOME THINGS THAT HAPPENS IN IT! =D
THAT'S ALL FOR NOW EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET! I LOVE YOU AND COMMENT PLZ XD
FURREALS I'M GONNA WRITE ABOUT MAI LYFE AND AWESOME THINGS THAT HAPPENS IN IT! =D
THAT'S ALL FOR NOW EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET! I LOVE YOU AND COMMENT PLZ XD
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